BEFORE THEY MADE PIZZA: PART TWO BY KAT* N: And we're back for the second half. Stupid lousey SHOW! I couldn't believe it when the writers said they were making a part two to this insane episode. I thought they were bluffing or at least drunk. Or was I drunk? Speedy:(up to push-up number 67) Who cares you rambiling poo poo! N: WELL! I'm sick of your toilet humour Speedy! And anyway I'm not the one being stuck doing push-ups for the last half hour! Incase our audience is confused, we are back to the present day when Princess Vi called the Pizza Cat's over late in the night about an emergency spider incident. Speedy was a bad little boy and is being punished by the very charming and lovely Princess Vi.. Vi: SHUT YOUR HOLE NARRATOR PERSON I CAN'T HERE MYSELF THINK! Speedy:(mumbling to himself about the narrator) Stupid....can't keep....his...mouth...closed... Vi: (holding a 9mm pistle to Speedys head) SPEEDY! SHUT YOUR OWN MOUTH BEFORE I STICK THIS IN IT! Speedy:(sweating from the push-ups) AHHHH! Princess Vi, your most beautiful, nice feet smelling hinas, I thought this program protested last year about the use of animated guns as a result of too much dying?! We have a contract for GOD SAKES! Vi: Excuses, excuses. Anything to keep me from killing you brutely. Listen, as long as you can keep your trap closed so I can listen to the rest of the story about your high school life I will not shoot you okay....? Speedy: Deal, can I stop doing push-ups now? Vi: NO! Speedy: Oh. Can you get me some OJ? Vi:(cranky) NO!!! Guido: AS I WAS SAYING!!!!! Polly: Can we please finish telling the story by tonight, I need to get home so I can get my OWN beauty sleep! Francine: Yeah, this story is the entire episode and the audience is getting restless. We still have Part three to do yet.... N: Oh God don't remind me! Well anyway go ahead! I won't stop you. I'll just look at these magazines of naked...ah... house renervation tips! Speedy: Naked house renevation tips? What kind of reading material is that? Guido: (picking up from where he left off) The story continues when I had just found out that Speedy had moved in on my turf and wanted to be on the football team. I found him later that day at team try outs. (wobbly flashback to the school football field) Polly:(sitting in the spectators seats) I don't understand WHY we are here watching the stupid football try outs Luciel? (whatching Guido toss a football back and forth to Batcat) You know I can't stand football guys.... Luciel:(looking through binoculars) It's such a lovely day! Why spend it indoors? I just heard some cool guys were going to try out today, and I have to be apart of things that involve cool guys. Polly: Could it be that this mysterious guy your going to ask to Conny's is here? Luciel: Ummm.... (Speedy and Bad Bird suddenly appear onto the field) Polly: I hope you don't mean cool guys like Cerviche and Good Bird cause I'm not entertained. Why are they trying out anyway? (stands up out of her seat and yells at the top of her voice:) HEY LOOSERS! CAREFUL YOU DON'T GIVE YOURSELVES NOSE BLEEDS, YOU FLABBY WIMPS! Good Bird: Do you think she's talking to us? Speedy: Well we match her description. (Polly sits down while laughing to herself) Luciel: Polly that was so naughty of you! How do you know their loosers? They might be very suprising sportsman. (as if on cue Speedy get's hit in the head by a travelling football and falls face first into the mud) Polly:(histerical) Because stuff like that only happens to looooosers!! I was wrong this is entertaining! HAHAHA! Luciel: Guido threw that ball at Speedy's head on purpose, I wonder why he's being so mean to him lately... Polly: (stating the obvious) What do you mean "lately"..?! (On the feild) Good Bird: (helping a dizzy Speedy up of the ground) I think Anchovie's really angry Speedy! (scared) What are we going to DO?! Speedy: (delerious) What you say Helen? Good Bird:(upset) That's it's Speedy, I'm leaving! This is too embarassing and dangerous for someone as fragile as me! I never wanted to be a tough guy, I was going to pursue my career as a fashion designer! You'll have to do this on your own old friend.... Speedy: (regaining his conscious) WHAT!! We were a team! This was to ensure our survival! TRAITOR! NEVER SPEACK TO ME AGAIN..YOU..FASHION DESIGNER! Good Bird: I'm sorry Speedy...(runs off crying) LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSERS! GOOD BIRD YOU CRY BABY! (the football coach appears on the feild) Coach: Who keeps yelling? (looks over at Polly at the spectators seats) Ah...Batcat could you please go tell that young lady to sit down and stop distubing the peace please before I throw this football in her mouth. (Batcat runs over to Luciel and Polly) Polly: What do you want slime?! Batcat: Just wondering if you could shut up or the coach over there will stick a football in your throut. Polly:(not convinced) Sure... Batcat: Hey just giving you the message...(notices Luciel) Is that gum your chewing Luciel? Can I have some pleeeease?! Luciel: I guess so, it's in my bag in the front pocket (points to the pink zipper bag at her feet) Polly: WHAT???!! Batcat: Thanks! (ploughs his way through variouse make-up items trying to find the gum when he discovers a note covered in perfume) Luciel: Find it? Batcat: (takes the note, and a piece of double mint chewing gum) Ah...yeah! Polly: Good now do us a favour and get out of my face! Batcat: Whatever.(runs back to try-outs) Polly: You gave him gum!! why? Luciel: He said please... Polly: (annoyed) Yeah good one Luciel, he could have taken anything out of your bag! Luciel: He wouldn't do that.... Polly: I wouldn't be suprised! (suddenly stares at her watch) OH #@!%&*^!!!!!! We are so DEAD! Luciel: No I believe we are alive Polly: NO YOU BONEHEAD!!!!! We are 30 mins late for CHEERLEADING PRACTICE!!!!!AHHH! (Jumps out of her seat) RUN LUCIEL!! Luciel: But I can't run without my orthapedic soles!! (trying to keep up with Polly) ow..ouch..oo.OW! Narrator: Yes run girls RUN!!! And don't come back.......okay their gone. Well since nothing else interesting happened at football practice today we will skip an hour and join the guys in the locker rooms where it.......my GOD, YUK!! ABSOLUTLY STINKS!!!! Somebody please discover deoderant! I just can't work under these conditions! GET A FAN! DO SOMETHING!! Speedy: (sitting down, holding a chunk of steak on his black eye) I guess I'll never have respect from anyone, whether I play a popular sport or not. Maybe I should become a monk.. (Bat Cat suddenly approaches Speedy.) Speedy: (Scared) BAT CAT!! (nervous) Wha...what can I do for you???!! Heheheeeeehe! Bat Cat: (with a towel around his waist) Calm down dork face. I'm not going to hurt you... Speedy: (relieved) Oh that's good. (suddenly confused) Why not?! Bat Cat: (Giving him a note) Just wanted to give you this, that's all. Looks like that girl Luciel's got a crush on you... God knows why. (points to his head) She must be a bit funny upstairs..(walks off) Speedy: (shocked) Ah...thanks.. Bat Cat: Whatever.. Speedy: (staring at the note like it was from out-of-space) Luciel? Speedy opens the note which says: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I wanna take you to Conny's. And your name is not Stu, Lipstick is pink and mayonaise is off white. Guess who this is, And when it snows, don't fly a kite! From your secret admirer ;) N: THAT was the most STUPID most DORKY piece of writing on paper I have ever seen! Why it's almost bad as our shows scripts!!! (Suddenly, a synphony of corny love music comes on in the background..) N: What the HELL IS THAT DEAFENING SOUND? Speedy: (with love hearts circulating over his head) OH! I have finally found my ONE TRUE LOVE!!! Somebody I can call SWEET CAKES! N: You know, when you realize you have your first real relationship you look foward to love, you look foward late nights out, you look foward to joint bank accounts...but NO! SPEEDY spent his day-dreams wishing he could call some one SWEET CAKES!...ARE WE EXPERIENCING A PATTERN HERE?!!! (calming down)..Meanwhile on more managable terms, Polly has once again run into Gudio in the halls.. Guido:(holding out a flower) Hey there Polly! I picked this for ya...! (Smiling) Polly: THAT is the ugliest thing I have ever seen! Besides you of course. Do you always kill everything you touch? Guido: Well, I picked it two weeks ago. I've been keeping it in my pocket until the right moment to give it to you..!! I think it matches your hair! Polly: (walking off) Guido, plant a seed and grow a brain... Guido: (staring at Polly walking away)....she loves me! (Bat Cat suddenly runs up the hall to Guido) Guido:(proud) Did you just see the master at work?! Bat Cat: What master? Guido:...me! Bat Cat: You? Guido: Yes! Bat Cat:...me? Guido: No, ME! Bat Cat: You? Guido: YES! Bat Cat: What? (confused) N: While these two figure out how to construct a converstation, Francine has spotted Speedy coming out of the boys locker room... Fran:(too cheery) Hiya SPEEDY! How was football try-outs?! Speedy: (hardly noticing her) Oh, painful....I've quit. Fran: Sorry to hear that Speedy. (see's the note in his hand) Whats that??? Speedy: (alarmed, puts the note behind his back)...it's nothing. Just a grocery list... Fran: (confused) That's odd, why is it covered in perfume? Speedy: (changes the subject) Listen, theres something I've been meaning to ask you...something really important to me... Fran: (thinking: OH MY GOSH!!! THIS IS IT!! HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO THE CONNY'S!!! I'M FINALLY POPULAR!! MY ONE MOMENT OF GLORY!! I THINK I'M GOING TO WET MYSELF!!..) (aloud)...yes? Speedy: It's about Conny's party... Fran: (sweating)....yes?! Speedy: You see, I've been looking for a date and well I was wondering.. Fran: (shaking) YES?! Speedy: If.. Fran: (jumping up and down) YES?!!!!!! Speedy: You... Fran: (on the verge of an excitement overdose) YEEEES!!!!!??? N: For Gods sakes, shut up and let him finish the SENTANCE!!! Speedy:....were friends with Luciel??? Fran: (confused) WHAAAAAT?! WHY! But I thought you... (Suddenly, a pair of girls voices can be heard down the other end of the hall...) Polly: Come on Luciel!! Keep up, I want to get to the locker rooms before everyone else gets there! Speedy: (turning around to see Polly down the hall) Did Polly say what I think she said?? Luciel: (running up to Polly from a around the corner) I'm here! Speedy: (in a soft tone) Luciel? Fran: (in a more disgusted tone) LUCIEL?!! (Speedy, putting on his glasses watches Luciel come down the hall with Polly. Suddenly the corny romantic love music comes back on as everything goes into to super slow motion!) N: Oh NO! NOT AGAIN....! I need ear muffs.... Speedy: (in an unbreakable trance) Luciel!!?? (looking her up and down) She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...! My glasses are steaming UP!!! Fran: (traumatized) NO! IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE HER!!! IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE ME!!!! Speedy: (turning to Fran) What did you say Sharlene? Fran: (starts ripping her hair outin frustration) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (runs off out off sight) Speedy: (worried about Fran) Boy did she forget to take her vitamins this morning or what?! N: Meanwhile, down the other end of the hall... Guido: (absolutly stunned) Are you SERIOUS!!! Batcat: Yep. And she wants him to take her to Conny's party! Guido: (confused) How could anybody have a crush on Cerviche! It's totally twisted! It's SICK!! Batcat: (nodding) I know, and can you believe it's that chick Luciel?! She's actually a pretty good sort. Guido: Are you kidding she's a BABE! How can this happen?! She must have a disorder or something....! Batcat: (realizes something) And you know what's even funnier? Speedy has a date to Conny's! AND YOU DON'T!!! Guido: (hysterical) HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (suddenly depressed) That's not funny.. Batcat: Oh, sorry dude. I guess it's not THAT funny.. N: Hehehe! I thought it was a RIOT! Guido: (looking cool) But, don't worry about me! Polly's still not taking anyone. So don't be suprised when she comes back to yours truely! Batcat: No offense, but I don't think she's interested in you anymore dude. N: (sarcastic) REALLY?! I wonder where he got that idea... Batcat: And anyway, your not really interested in her either. You just want to take her cause' she's the most popular girl in school, and your the most popular guy and you need to stabalize your reputation. Your only useing her. Why don't you just take some other chick and forget about Polly.. Guido: (angry) That is not true! And who the hell side are you ON?! First you tell me to not worry about my reputation which is just comletely nuts and THEN I find out that you give a love letter to Luciel from Cerviche! You should have ripped it UP! Batcat: (shaking his head) No way man. Always abide by the rules of love. Guido: (really annoyed) You better not turn into one of those sensitive new age guy types... Batcat: (insulted) I'm not GAY! N: Meanwhile while this rubbish is happening Speedy is blinded by love and has mindlessly followed Luciel and Polly into the girls locker rooms....hehehehe SUCKED IN! (In the locker rooms, steam from the surrounding showers makes it difficult to see anyone..) Polly: (getting undressed) Can you believe Speedy Cerviche was staring at us coming down the halls just then?! Some nerve! He shouldn't be within 10 yards of me. Luciel: (suddenly alert) He was staring at us? You and me?! Polly: Yeah probably walked into a wall and lost his sense of direction. Luciel: (cranky) You don't have to be so mean all the time Polly... Polly: (laughing) Get real Luciel! (All of a sudden, a giant scream comes from a girl in a shower close by.) Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! PERVERT!!!! Speedy: (very, very confused) Can somebody please tell me where I am? I can't see properly!! Are these the art rooms? (Speedy suddenly bumps into Polly) Polly: (undressed) What the..? Speedy: (trying to figure who it is) Hello? Whats going ON?! (feeling behind him) Who is that? Polly: (turns around and screams at the top of her lungs) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! A BOYS IN HERE!!!!!!!!! Speedy: (the steam clears and Speedy suddenly gets his sight back) Oh my...GOSH....(covers his eyes in embarresment) POLLY ESTER! Oh gosh..I'm....so...sorry!...I didn't mean to walk in on you when you were changing I SWEAR! I was just looking for... Polly: (trying to cover herself) YOU!!!!!??? (horrified) AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Luciel: (jumping up and down on a seat) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHO IS IT POLLY!? GETHIMOUTGETHIMOUT!!!!!!!! Polly: (starts throwing things at him) YES GET OUT OF HERE YOU SICKO!!!!! (all the other girls in the locker room join in - throwing things at Speedy's head and screaming insults) Speedy: (blocking himself) AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! HELP! I'M BEING KILLED!!!!! Luciel: (hatch opens on her head) I said GET HIM OOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT!!!!!! KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! (Meanwhile just outside, students and teachers are wondering what all the commotion is) Student #1: What in the world is going on in there?! Student #2: Someone probably flushed a toilet and all the showers got cold. AHAHA! (Speedy suddenly runs out waving his arms in fear) Speedy: (puffing and panting) Their all CRAZY PSYCHO FEMALES!! And they broke one of my FRAMES!!! RUN FOR YOU LIVES!! (One of the teachers who was watching what was happening comes up to Speedy and grabs him by the ear) Speedy: (in agony) YAAAAAAAAHHHOOOW! HELP! IT'S ANOTHER ONE! Teacher: Your in big trouble young MAN! Your going to the PRINCIPALS OFFICE for that immoral PRANK! Speedy: But Miss Spank PLEASE RECONSIDER!!!! Teacher: (pulling him up the hall) Don't talk back to ME! Speedy: Ah CRAP! Teacher: (apalled) LANGUAGE! (running up to the locker rooms) Guido: Hey whats happening in the girls locker rooms? Batcat: (holding his nose) Do you smell gun powder? Luciel: (comes out tramatized and speaking at a million miles an hour) SOMEONE CAME IN THE LOCKER ROOMS AND.."sniff".. SAW ME IN A TOWEL AND..."sob"...MADE ME CRY AND..."sniff"...MADE ME LOOSE MY EYEBROW PENCIL!!!! (crys histerically) Batcat: (comforts her) There there Luciel! It's not the end of the world..you can always use a crayola... Guido: (gulp) BATCAT! Get some distance from her! SHE'S STILL GOT ONE ROUND OF AMMO LEFT!! Batcat: (walking away slowly) Uh oh...how much distance? Guido: I don't know like GERMANY DISTANCE! Batcat: But dude you know how I am about stnitzle.. Guido: (pulling him) RUUUUUUN YOU BUGAR!! N: Will Speedy return to Part three alive? Will Guido continue to pursue Polly as his date? Does Batcat have a brain? Does Luciel really like Speedy or are all those missiles in her head effecting her judgement?! Will Francine still have hair?! Will I ever SHUT UP??!!..probably not..