SAMURAI PIZZA CATS SILVER STRENGTH, GOLDEN GLUE Author: G.A. Wildcat I've decided to do this story a bit differently: (1) I've wanted to do at least 1 story written in novel form, reason being that some of the fanfics out there I can't understand. (No offense to anyone. It's also something I'm a whole lot better at.) (2) Remember right before NAME THAT TUNE that I said I was going to do this seriously? For this story, that all goes out the window to crash several stories below. (3) I'll be going back to my original format in my next fanfic, HITTING TOWN, but that's another story. Something new: Anything with an asterick or a series of astericks indicates that you can scroll to the bottom of the document for a footnote. Now that we've got THAT straightened out....... IT'S PARTY TIME! TEASER When the 4th Melika, the superstrong Runner, shows up one morning, the Cats agree to get some training in. Meanwhile, Quarter has developed a special gun with a liquid many upon many times as strong as Super Glue. Guido takes it, uses it to fix a broken table.....that's when things go haywire! END TEASER "CURTIS, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!" That was the reaction of Speedy, Polly, GB, and Guido when they returned from California the day after they had defeated the Titans and recovered their Ginzu weapons. They had left the parlor in the care of Francine, Curtis, and several of his rediscovered buddies, and over the course of a weekend.....pizza boxes were everywhere, paper plates were strown around, cups were knocked over, chairs were in places where there hadn't been a chair before--in other words, the place was a total disaster area! Examples: One chair was now stuck inside one of the launch chutes. There was a pizza box on top of the televison. Someone had used the paper plates and the cups to build a model of the palace. Everything else....well, imagine a deli shop that hasn't been cleaned for 2 years. As always, the maddest one was Polly. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!?" she screamed at Curtis. "Don't yell in my nose, Flirt Face, or I'll give you something to think about on your way to the chiropractor's office on the other side of town," Curtis snapped. "When the sun set, I brought in a $1,000,000 Juke Box that I had rescued from Quarter's clutches in 1994....the one that first got me jump-started as a crime fighter. We brought in the strobe lights, we lowered the price of all pizzas by a quarter of the original price....What did YOU think, Francine?" Francine had a grin from ear to ear. "Guys, that night, we raked in more mulah than the entire last week combined! Dozens and hundreds of pizza flowed all around, oodles of money flowed into the cash registers....and for some reason, we never ran out of supplies!" She double-checked her notepad. "And I think I finally have enough to buy that motorcycle I've always wanted, and your paychecks besides!" Curtis whispered in her ear, "That was all because I had 2 of my cats bring in supplies as the night wore on." Francine whispered back, "You should've told me about that. You only showed me the guys working right here inside the parlor. If it happens again, I'll have Big Al lower your salary." "I'll remember that when I'm outside by your car, letting the air out of your tires," Curtis hissed back. "That explains the puddle of oil on the driveway," Francine growled. "Look. Those cats were under MY employ, not yours. As long as they're under MY employ, I'M the one who deals with them. Got that, sweetheart??" Curtis snarled, showing his sharp jaws. "Fran, Curtis, cool it!" GB shouted. Curtis turned to face the group once more. "Yeah. It got messy in here. We threw a party in here. And you want to know what? I'm PROUD of it, so there!" "And you let the shop run until 10:30pm instead of the usual 7:00pm?" Guido bit out. "Darn straight. That, and the fact that we had the sense to actually WORK until we closed....unlike you and Speedy, of course. GB is a good worker, but he's another story." Curtis folded his arms and stared at them, his tail twitching. "Fortunately by then, I was able to move around without the aid of either Lucille or Francine, so I did most of the work while Francine lounged around and watched old reruns of Seinfeld and Home Improvement. One of my foxes, an obnoxious hotshot named Aldonza, helped me with the cooking and made deliveries, while Ambush Cat handed out party invitations." "Look, not everyone likes to party at a---" Speedy began. Curtis cut him off and said, "On the contrary. EVERYONE likes to party at a pizza parlor. Balloons, music, and the food right next to you! S-S-S-S-SMOKIN!!" "No one actually smoked, right?" GB inquired. "And there weren't any problems?" "No one smoked, GB," Curtis said. "Anyone that did got a black eye. And in the Problem Department, we had ONE." Polly growled. "Oh? And what was that?" Curtis smiled. "One of the patrons of an eaten Little Tokyo art found his way upstairs." He started purring. "What was he doing up THERE?" GB asked. By this time, EVERYONE could hear Curtis purr. He turned to Speedy and Polly and said, "Go on up and see for yourself." The two Cats, exchanging wary and suspicious glances, walked upstairs. Francine, of course, was concerned. "Who got up there?" Curtis could barely contain his laugh. "Me." Guido looked at him, surprised. "You?" "Yeah. After the party started, I paid Francine 6 dollars for one of those old Cat-Bird Specials. When I finished part of it, I wandered around for a little bit and found myself upstairs. I looked around a bit and saw that Speedy's door was open, so I peeked in. His closet door was open, and I saw a T-shirt in there with an object that I despised most. After that, I went back downstairs and polished off my dinner." "You sure?" Francine asked. "Would I lie to you?" Curtis said sweetly. He had a grin on his face which would've frozen Florida. Francine cringed. "I guess that answers my question." GB was curious. "What was on the shirt? South Park? If it was, I wish you hadn't. I think it's a good show." Curtis snarled. "I hate that too, but worse. Barney the Dinosaur." GB grimaced. "Now, THAT'S a show I hate." Francine's face didn't change, though. "For some unknown reason, I'm not really surprised." From upstairs came Polly's loud scream, echoed a second later by Speedy. Several moments later, they rushed down the stairs, steaming angry. "CURTIS---!" Curtis jumped on the offensive. "Look, you two--" ....or at least he tried to. Speedy beat him to it, anger written on the front of his face. "You shredded our entire wardrobe! Why?" "Because I FELT like it," Curtis said sarcastically. "That, and you had a T-shirt in there that had the words 'BARNEY THE DINOSAUR' in big purple letters on the front and a picture of a dancing Barney on the back. Anything that has to do with Barney can say...." He sliced his claws through the air. "....sayonara." "LOOK AT THIS!!" Speedy shrieked. He held his hand in front of him and showed him the strings that used to be a flannel shirt. Curtis ignored him, reached out with his claws, and sharpened them on the strings. Speedy fell over, agitated, but continued yammering. "YOU COULD'VE DONE IT JUST TO THAT ONE SHIRT, YOU KNOW!" "It's what happens when I have a bad day," Curtis continued. "In the first place, while I was in my injured state, that 'babe with the nuclear hairdo', as the old Bad Bird once put it...." GB chuckled. "....almost wasted me with a missile and a triple blueberry pizza when she tripped over my tail. That gave me further reason to wreck havoc in the master bedroom. Furthermore, I've never heard of a samurai that liked a child's role model." Polly grabbed his shoulders and yelled into his face. "BUT WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DO IT TO OUR ENTIRE CLOSET? WHY?? THE THREE SHIRTS I HAVE FOR WORK ARE NOTHING BUT DUST!!!" Curtis shoved her--rather hard, in fact--out of the way and growled, "Because, Polly," then he raised his voice and roared, "I HATE BARNEY THE DINOSAUR!!" The force of the shout knocked her and Speedy off their feet. He spun to face the rest of the Cats. "And if anyone here argues with me about it, things will get ugly. Then, MAYBE Big Al will let me flex my Council-driven authority and make everyone spend a week with Princess Carrot Top over at the Palace. GOT THAT??" Guido, GB, Francine, and Speedy all looked at each other, shuddered, then turned to Curtis and nodded. Polly didn't, however. "Why, you little....one of these days, I'm going to something about cats, I swear!" "You could yank that pink snake out of your rear end," Curtis countered. "I think THAT would be a good start. Either that, or you could apply some Rogaine to your tail. It's so ugly that you probably tie a trash bag around it on garbage pickup day." By now, the feline femme fatale had quite enough. "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS, 'GRAND ADMIRAL'!!!" she screeched. She then got up, stepped in, exclaimed a loud "TAKE THIS!!", and tried to punch him dead in the face. Curtis quickly dodged it, spread his claws wide, and slashed 5 clean lines across her forehead. Then, he started spinning, and his fists spun with him. Knocking Polly across the chest and SMACK across the ovens, he then took his temper out on a light bulb. One punch shattered it, plunging the kitchen into darkness. He also took a chair, tossed in the air, leaped, and sliced it in half before he managed to calm down. Once Polly had regained consciousness, she scurried over behind Speedy, not daring to go near Curtis again. "How did he do that?" Guido looked at her. "You never knew? He told me a number of days ago that his claws are sharp enough to slice through diamond." "I REPEAT," Curtis said louder, "IS THAT CLEAR?? Because I'd hate to have to introduce you to a special friend." He pointed with a clawed finger down at his sword, Shape-Shifter, which was morphing continuously into a 9-iron golf club, a lance, a white and orange version of the Sunspot Umbrella, and back into a sword again. "And remember: a friend in need is no friend, indeed!" "Y-Yes," Polly and Speedy both stuttered. "It's c-clear." "Good." Adrenaline rush fading away, Curtis yawned, grabbed the baseball cap that was sitting on a counter, and put it on his head. "I'll be back lat--" A voice called from outside the parlor, "AHOY THE PIZZA CATS!" GB turned his eyes to the ceiling. "Voice sound familiar?" He was correct. Standing at the door were the Melikas: Teasy, Chico, and Daniel. Behind them was a cream-colored tabby carrying a briefcase in each hand. "Great. Another one?" Speedy complained. "How many of you guys are there?" He opened the door and let them in, and they sat down at the counter. "If you're talking about superheroes, there's just the four of us," said Chico, the orange tabby. "But there's also our two sisters, Alice and Sylvia." "Sylvia, or 'Silky', as she is often known, is a drop-dead gorgeous cat; so gorgeous, in fact, that if she ever got into the acting business, she'd net all the Academy Awards," said the smaller bengal tabby, Daniel. "But if you insult her, she becomes just as dangerous as Lucille." Something jolted through his tail---"And I still have the pain to prove it," he added. Curtis snickered nastily, then struggled to hold back a laugh. "THAT vain pain in the neck? Ha!" "Sounds like my kind of girl," Guido said, a grin from ear to ear. Speedy, Chico, and GB chuckled. "Meanwhile, Alice, the oldest cat in the family, is just a regular old pain in the rear," Teasy, the larger bengal tabby, grumbled. He got up from his spot at the counter, walked to a table, and sat there, fuming. "What's with him?" Polly asked. "We met Guru Lou for the first time yesterday evening, while you guys and Daniel were out in California," Chico explained. "Teasy called him 'Glue Lou,' so Lou made him swallow a spinach-filled doughnut." Everyone got a good laugh out of this, except for Teasy, who buried his head in his arms and refused to speak. Obviously, his ego had taken a hit, and he wasn't happy about it. "I've got to get going," Curtis said after he recovered from his laughing fit. "I promised the Royal Pain that I'd take her to see Dudley Do-Right....in approximately 15 minutes." He started to walk out the door--- Daniel stopped him. "Have I told you what interesting thing happened out in California?" Curtis's ears perked up; the 3 Cats groaned, and GB's feathers ruffled. "What happened?" Curtis said, grinning. "Well, to start with, we had taken out all the Titans, except for the Fire Titan and the Cyclops. We had just snatched back the Sunspot Umbrella. I used my finisher to torch the Cyclops, and, at conveniently the same time without knowing it, Guido used his Firebat sequence on the Fire Titan. The resulting explosion not only sent the weapons back into the hands of the Cats, but the intense heat wave---and I mean INTENSE, especially for 900 degrees Celsius worth of Titan---managed to melt the Cats' armor." Polly's cheeks matched her hair, and Speedy and Guido's faces followed suit. "Daniel," the Cats shouted in unison, "you're a brat!" Daniel just shrugged. "I'm just stating the honest truth. What's wrong with that?" Chico and the newcomer suddenly threw their heads back and laughed. GB chuckled to himself. "Good thing I decided to go shopping instead." Curtis laughed. "Wow," he said. "Guess we'll be working on a replacement set, huh? Boy, if the ancient Shoguns were around, they'd probably have a heart attack. And that Great Warrior character of recent times, too. He'd crack up." Speedy growled. "I guess so," he said to himself. "You KNOW about the Great Warrior?" Guido asked curiously. "It's a long story," Curtis said. "I'll tell you later." Polly spoke up. "We had to disguise ourselves as the homeless so that no one would stare. Thank goodness that kind stranger gave us some stuff he didn't need 5 minutes later." Curtis laughed again. "That explains the white T-shirt you're wearing that says 'Born to Rock'." GB joined in. "Yeah, and that old Joe Dumars * jersey that Speedy has draped over him." "Not to mention those sports jackets that look like something bought at the historic Tiger Stadium in the U.S.," the creamy tabby chimed in. Francine looked at the Cats more closely, and both eyebrows went up as she grinned. "You guys look good in that stuff." "Yeah, as good as an elephant," Teasy spat, "and just as ugly and wrinkled." Polly groaned. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice." "With that thing on you? You, Polly Esther Cerviche, one of the several billion self-conscious females on the planet?" Teasy snarled. "How could I miss it?" He quoted the Turtle (almost), Mike (for short), saying: Wise cat say, 'Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for a late pizza'." "YOU ordered that pizza from Guru Lou's?" Francine asked. "Uh-huh," Teasy growled, "And Ambush Cat was 6 minutes late. If you three were around, the pizza would've been 3 minutes late instead." "Funny," Curtis said, "but the service isn't THAT bad. It's all a matter of---" Big Al Dente appeared abruptly on the Videophone monitor, but before he could say anything, Curtis beat him to it. "Sorry, Al. We seem to have lost our armor." Al frowned. "Lost? What do you mean?" "I MEAN, those two heat waves from the Titans that Guido and Daniel destroyed were intense enough to melt away the armor." "Right, and then Curtis found the nerve to shred our entire wardrobe!" Polly ranted. "Jeans, shirts, jackets, our work apparel---EVERYTHING!!" "All that they had left were these hand-me-downs that this guy from California gave to us," Guido added. "Thank goodness I don't own that shirt." Polly smacked him over the head for that comment, but he didn't even bother to turn his head. "I just wanted to mention that Quarter has been gluing things together downtown. He glued a shopkeeper to the ground, then raided the supermarket, then he glued your friend Lucille to the ground, stole some tea, and paid for his efforts," Al explained. As a side note, he added, "He's working alone. That should make it easier---" "Blast it," Curtis hissed. "Guido, you're the one with the fantastic jacket. You take this gun here and chase down Quarter." He tossed him a metallic gun. "It's my iceinator. Freezes the bad guy in place for 15 minutes. Get that Glue gun away from him while you're at it." "Oh, and Curtis, you're due at the palace in 10 minutes." Al's image clicked off the monitor. "CRUD!" Curtis banged a fist against the wall. "Almost forgot! If I'm late, Vi's gonna kill me! Gotta juice, guys! Guido, get Quarter for me! And someone else, replace that light bulb! Did I miss anything?....No?....GOOD!!" With that, Curtis de-materialized and disappeared as he jumped to lightspeed. With Curtis gone temporarily, everyone was free to chat. "Hey," Speedy raved, "Who's Creamy?" He glanced at the cat. "He's the super-strong Runner," said Teasy, free from his bad mood. "HOW strong?" GB asked. "Let's just say that if Goldberg and Hollywood Hulk Hogan both ganged up on him, they wouldn't make it within a quarter mile from him. He'd take out a redwood tree and knock them clear to Michigan." "ARE YOU SURE?" Polly growled. "He looks like a lightweight to ME." "Runner? Would you mind proving it for the 'Pointless Sister' over there?" Teasy asked, chuckling. "My pleasure," said Runner. He dropped both suitcases he was carrying and opened them. Inside were various weights. There were fifty weights in each bag, ranging from a pencil tip to a yellow slab the size of a computer diskette. Everyone looked closer. The inscription on them indicated that each one weighed more than 20 tons. "Well, what do you think, guys?" Runner asked, folding his arms victoriously. "They look like regular stuff to me," Speedy scoffed. "Oh? Then why don't you try lifting it?" Runner challenged. GB flicked at the weight that looked like a pencil tip. Under NORMAL circumstances it would move; but the tip refused to budge. There was a sound that sounded a lot like steel. Convinced, he stepped aside.... ....and Polly charged forward. "All right," she yowled, "IF THIS GUY IS LYING, I AM GONNA GIVE HIS EYES A REAL BLACKOUT!!!" She kicked at a weight that was the shape of a Pepsi bottle cap. It should've gone flying; instead, her foot made a loud THUD against the 93 ton 'cap'. She hopped around, anger changing to tears of pain, and making it clear as she tried to hold back a shriek. Speedy gasped in surprise and ran to calm her down. He managed to sit her on a chair at a table so he could check what happened. After he examined her left foot, he sighed in relief. "Thank goodness it's not broken," he announced. Polly just sat, breathing heavily. Guido, GB, and Francine all looked at each other nervously, then shrugged. Teasy, Chico, and Daniel all did the same, each one suppressing a chuckle. Runner shrugged, as well. "Sorry about that," he said, "but in case you need a more effective demonstration.....here goes!!" He leaped to a parlor wall and punched a hole clean through it. He walked up to a chair and flicked it gently. The chair ricocheted off the walls and came to rest back at its original position. Then he walked up to Speedy and jammed him waist deep into the ground. "NOW, try it." Everyone gulped, then shook their head no. Speedy yanked himself out of the ground, shaking off dust. Runner smiled. "Don't you want me to teach you guys?" "NO," the Cats said in unison. "Oh, well," Runner said to himself. "I had plenty of spare time, too. I could've taught you guys how I got this strong." "TELL US! TELL US!" Speedy, Polly, and Francine yelled, running up to him. Runner shook them off with ease. "Okay, okay," he chuckled. "I take it today's an off-day?" "Until they can get replacements for their uniforms and armor, yes," said GB. "Good. You 3, come with me. Teasy, Chico, Daniel, you come too and give them bad advice." Teasy, Chico, and Daniel looked at each other, then shrugged. "What about you two?" Runner asked, looking at Guido and GB in turn. "I have to catch Quarter, first," Guido said. "Maybe THEN I'll think about it. It could add to my already macho lifestyle and increase my chances," he added, winking. "I'm still trying to convince Lucille that I'm the one she's been looking for." "Wish I could, but I can't," GB said, shaking his head. "I need to go with Carla to a baseball game at my old village. The crows that are left are doing a game for their own amusement and to help support the Palace's treasury, and I promised her that I would take her there and watch them, maybe even play. I'll consider it later." "Oooo-kay. Let me know if you want to. See you." Runner closed his suitcases and walked out the door, followed by Speedy, Polly, and Francine. A second later, the other three Rad-Cats, chuckling, walked after them, shutting the door behind him. Guido squeezed through the hole in the wall that Runner had made, still carrying the gun. GB squeezed through after him, walked with him for a while, then went in a different direction. Out of the darkness, Ambush Cat appeared, shoving the chair out of his way. "Good. Everyone is gone. I knew the inside of that chute made a good hiding place," he said to himself. He got out a case of soda, grabbed the remote control, and flicked on the television. Quarter checked off another building on his checklist. His special gun was more powerful than any Super Glue, and he had used it to his advantage, doing raids at different stores and homes. Besides the almost-unsuccessful attempt to raid Lucille's Tea House, things had went swell. "Okay, I've cleaned out the dairy aisle at the grocery store......the money at the bank......the jewels from the house on Seventh Shogun Street.......and the tea over at Lucille's.......Last stop...." He heard a yelling above him. Seeing Guido, he started laughing. "NICE JACKET AND SWEATPANTS! WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO BEFORE YOU GOT THAT STUFF, HUH?" "Very funny," Guido snarled as he landed. He pulled out the iceinator. "Oooooh, I've see that you've gotten Curtis's handgun. VERY spiffy," Quarter teased. He raised the Glue Gun and fired. Guido dodged out of the way and fired a blast from his own gun, catching the dog off guard. Striking dead on, Quarter froze instantaneously. "Okay, I'll just take this," Guido said, swiping the gun away from him. He started examining it. He kept on examining it on the way back to the parlor. At that moment, clouds started to gather, eventually covering up the sun. Thunder rumbled. Lightning tore across the sky like Pecos Bill ** running wild. Rain fell in great cascades that filled the air and dampened the ground. Soon enough, the streets were empty as the citizens of the city sought shelter. (Try saying THAT 10 times fast!) Over at the home of the Rad-Cats, a fantastic 2-story house, someone was having a better time. Down in the basement, the Cats were lifting weights with Runner. Runner had promised them to make them--in terms of the bodybuilders around America--ripped to the max. Teasy stood in a corner, watching everyone. His eyes strained to see in the dim light that the single florescent light provided. He hated standing around, watching Runner work out. It made himself feel so.....weak. He himself knew what his brothers didn't: that underneath the shield of laughter and comedy that Teasy had raised was a cat that was often bone-weary and tired. Of course, he would never let anyone else know that; he had demonstrated his skills as a leader and as an extremely cool cat often enough, and the charade had worked thus far; but how much longer, he didn't know. The young cat, now, focused on the Pizza Cats that had come to train with Runner, and scowled. No one suspected, of course, that he actually liked and respected them. But, of course, he held a disliking of them all at the same time, in particular Guido Anchovy. Here was a cat who thought he was suave and romantic when, in fact, he was actually a tabby who had about as much chance of getting a long-term relationship as Jon Arbuckle. Also, there was Polly and Speedy, the two romantics who tended to be violent when one of them was threatened. Teasy knew how to insult them without fear of retribution; if he hadn't have been under Curtis's employ, the bengal tabby would have to find an area to live in that was closer to the hospital. Teasy thought. "Okay, just repeat after me," Runner began. He lifted a 10-pound barbill with one hand, raising it to his chest and lowering it again. Everyone else followed suit for the next 2 minutes. "Hey, I feel stronger already," Speedy said, flexing a muscle. "These are SPECIAL barbills," Runner explained. "I got them 9 years ago, in 1990. They let you get tremendous muscles in only HOURS. The best part is, no one really knows until they see you in action! That's how I got this strong in the first place. It only took 2 years to get to my current state, 11 hours a day. I work as a professional bowler in my spare time. 278 average, if I recall correctly." "HOW strong are you?" Francine asked. "If I punched hard enough, I could send this whole planet reeling off it's axis," Runner said, smiling. Everyone's eyes shot open, and Francine's jaw dropped to the floor. "Whoa, not TOO wide, now," Teasy teased. "Any wider, and your entire field of vision would be taken up by the ceiling." "And you're what....how old?" Polly inquired. "15 years old," Runner answered. "Not bad for someone who couldn't make the wrestling team in high school. Thank goodness I was able to pass. We learn at a faster rate than most people do, so that's why I'm here. Same with Daniel and the others." As everyone continued, Teasy looked around. Over in the opposite corner, Chico and Daniel were enjoying a game of chess. He strolled on over. On the way, he smacked Speedy on the shoulder. "Nice job, Sir Leech," he said. "His name's Cerviche, not Sir Leech," Polly complained. She continued lifting, this time a 30 pound barbill. "And stop making fun of my husband, or I'll pound your face to a pulp!" "Getting graphic, are we? Well, what are YOU going to do about it, Queen of Hearts?" Teasy muttered. He stepped behind Chico, still speaking to Polly in the process. "I know how much you love him. That's why I'm making fun of him, just to get you riled up. Besides, you couldn't escape my Lightspeed Missile if you wanted to. You know that from experience already." "Yeah, well, it's working," Polly grumbled. She continued lifting, then switched to a 40 pound barbill. Teasy stuck out his tongue at her, but she didn't notice as she continued. "It's not my fault I lost in the final round against Chico. It was just that comment I made about his keyboard that sparked the surge of adrenaline." "And don't say it again, either," Chico muttered, thinking of a move to make. "Why are you doing things so simple, Polly?" Runner asked. "Aldonza told me that when you and Lucille formed the Pointless Sisters and those two robots attacked, you yanked the hatches right off them....and they must have weighed at least a ton, each. AT LEAST." "Well, I was angry at the time---" Polly began. "---and anger is the first step---" Speedy continued. "---to going down the road of the dark side of the Force," Teasy finished. Ignoring everyone's glares, he turned his attention to the chess match. "Hey, I just watched the Phantom Menace before I came here." "Actually, the finisher was supposed to be 'to getting things done'," said Francine. Already, she was working on a 60 pounder. Teasy mused. Not bothering to answer Fran's comment, he turned his attention toward the chess match. "Okay, my Knight takes your Pawn. What are you going to do now, Danny?" Chico said. Daniel flinched. He hated being called that. "I'll just do a 'castling'," he said, making his move. "Not only does it put my King out of check, it also puts MY Rook in front of YOUR Rook. You can't move back, either, because if you do, my Bishop will get you. If you take my rook, my king will get your rook and will be protected by several of my pawns." Chico swore under his breath. Daniel didn't hear it, but Teasy did. Reflexively, he slapped him. "Don't say stuff like that," he snapped. "If Curtis was here, he'd unload and blast you one to the moon. Lucille would, too, if you'd say it around HER. Man!" "Don't remind me," Chico hissed back. "I just wanted to get it off my chest." The workouts continued. Night had fallen by the time Speedy, Francine, and Polly left. Runner then followed them back to the parlor. Curtis was already there, and he was muttering. "What are you muttering about?" Francine asked. "I took Princess Vi to see Dudley Do-Right," Curtis growled. "She didn't like the seats I chose, so she exiled half the audience for better seats. When an usher showed up to quiet things, she exiled HIM, too. Besides that, we had a quiet time. She liked the movie, and so did I. When we left, though, she wanted to get a cheeseburger. I told her I didn't have any money left. As always, she threw a fit. I warned her that if she tried to exile me, I'd send word to Empress Frieda and say that I was Big Al Dente's second-in-command of the Pizza Cats. She tried again, and I indicated Shape-Shifter, which morphed into a carrot at that moment. That made her quiet the rest of the time." "Snappy thinking," said GB, who had arrived some time after Curtis. Carla stood near him. "Oh, I forgot to say." Curtis walked up to Carla and nodded his head. "Nice to meet you. I take it you're a clown in your spare time?" "Yes, that's right," Carla said politely. "How could you tell?" "Because you still have the striped hat on your head," Curtis said. "Oh," Carla said to herself. She took the hat and sat it on the counter. "How'd the baseball game go?" Runner asked GB. "I got to play," GB explained. "We could only play an hour, though, because then it started to rain. I batted twice--a single and a foul fly that was caught by the left fielder. Carla watched, and she liked every second of it." "Glad to hear it," Curtis said. "I used to be a baseball fan myself, until the Tigers started losing. Then I started paying more attention to the Pistons instead." He turned to Speedy. "Where were you guys? You weren't around when I got back. Ambush Cat was the only one here, and I couldn't get anything out of him. Besides, he was too busy watching reruns of Star Trek." "Give me full power, Scotty!" Teasy ranted. "Lifting weights over at the Rad-Cats' place," Speedy answered. He flexed a muscle. "Only a couple of hours, and already I can lift over 250 pounds." He smoothed back his hair, which was soaked with sweat. "Maybe NOW I can knock out your daylights for shredding my clothes," Polly said to Curtis, grinning evilly. Curtis only shrugged, then stood up. Claws popped out of all 4 of his paws. He pumped his fists through the air. "Bring it on. Let's see what you've got! P-A-R-T.....WHYYY? BECAUSE I GOTTA!! YEE-HA!!!" Polly threw a punch at his head. Curtis ducked it, then somersaulted on top of a table. Polly clasped her hands together and tried to hammer him, but she missed and broke the table in half instead. Jumping behind her, Curtis primed and fired an energy beam that missed by only this much (-), scattering the Cats. Deciding on a different plan, Curtis leaped onto Polly's shoulders and yanked on her short hair. The scream that followed was so shrill that everyone had to cover their ears. "Say mercy," Curtis snickered. "NEVER!!" Polly raved. Curtis pulled again, and Polly screeched again. "You know what? Spending 5 years of my life battling the forces of evil really has paid off, but by pulling hair? Sheesh." In response, she reached her hand up and yanked once on his tail, then reached her claws over his head. "MRRRREEEEOOOOOWWWW!!!!" Angrily, Curtis pulled even harder. He curled his tail around her arms and held tight, hissing. Speedy watched, nervous and not sure what to do. He tried to walk forward to break it up, but Teasy grabbed his tail and stopped him. "And where are YOU going, short stuff?" Curtis, in the meantime, bounced off Polly's head and landed in front of the entrance. "Care to challenge me some more?" he snarled. "Or will I have to get mean?" His eyes glowed, and the gray energy field surrounded him once more. Polly just stood there, breathing heavily. "Come on," she rasped. "Don't tempt him!" Speedy blurted out. "He's more powerful than the rest of us put together! He'll turn us into mincemeat!" "Right!" GB joined in. "Besides, we don't really know what he can do. For all I know, he could turn this parlor into dust!" "Now you understand why I always win," Curtis said quietly. "I don't rely on brute strength; I rely instead on my intelligence and wit. Those three together can combine to make a dangerous combination." Polly sighed, then shrugged. "I suppose you're right...." "He is," said Daniel. "You would've had to spend the last 5 years around him to understand him." "Daniel, shut up," the other 3 Rad-Cats said together. Daniel just shrugged. "Some people...." An hour passed. It was now 8:00pm, and the sun had set. Speedy was watching The Mask. Polly clung to him. "Have fun, sweetheart?" Speedy asked. "NO," Polly managed to wheeze. She tried to smooth down her hair, which made her look like Carrot Top on a bad hair day. (Carrot Top ALWAYS has a bad hair day. Is he insane, or does he just do that for fun? Anyway....) "Well, glad he didn't try to kill you," Speedy said. He put his arm around her and held her close. "Let's think of other things now, okay?" "Well, back to matters at hand," Guido mumbled. He had the Glue Gun in his hand, and he was staring at the table that had broken during Polly and Curtis's brawl. "Now, how does this work?" He jerked the gun in different directions. The nozzle was aimed at Speedy and Polly when the next thing happened. "Sorry about earlier," Speedy said, drawing his wife closer. "Well, I guess that's okay," Polly said, smiling. "I accept your apology." They hugged each other and kissed gently. Francine was paying more attention to the movie than her co-workers. "SOMEBODY STOP ME!!" she shouted in tune with Jim Carrey. At that moment, Guido jabbed a button on the top of the Glue gun. A silvery beam shot out, striking first Speedy and Polly, then ricocheting off of Francine, who had a hand on a glass of soda. The beam bounced off Guido's feet, then arrowed for Curtis, but he ducked as the beam fazed out above his head. "Whew. That's a close call," Curtis said to himself. "You guys okay?" No one answered except Guido. "Sort of. I seem to be stuck to the floor." His hand was still on the Glue gun, but it was frozen there. Curtis looked at Francine. When she yelled for someone to stop her, she had spread her arms wide, the soda in her left hand. Now, she was frozen in that position. Her eyes flicked between Curtis and the movie, then widened in surprise when Curtis snatched away the soda and drank it all in several quick gulps. Speedy and Polly, meanwhile, had their lips frozen :) . They tried to say something, but the only thing that came out were "MMMM-HMMMMM!" in response to Curtis's question. Curtis held back a sharp laugh. "Yeah, I know. I feel the same way, too." "What a sticky situation," GB commented. "Yeah, but what are we going to do?" Runner asked. "For once, Quarter actually developed a gun that was stronger than my muscles." "There's only one person I know who can help us, too," Curtis muttered to himself. "Might I ask who?" GB inquired sing-songily. "Who else but Guru Lou?" Curtis answered in the same tone. "But what about us? What'll we do?" Guido asked. "Just stand around and don't get the flu!" Runner chimed in. "But if anyone begins to boo--" Teasy added. "You'll be standing around with nothing to do!" Curtis said. "All right, now we laugh," Chico said. He started laughing. However, no one else did. He said, "Come on! Laugh with me!" That was when everyone picked up the cue and started chuckling. (If you've seen Freakazoid, that should remind you of a scene from that show.) "GB, Runner, come with me. The rest of you, just stick together, and we'll come up with something," Curtis ordered. "Now. Francine, how does that cannon work?" Francine's eyes shot open. Carla groaned. "Yes, I know you don't want us to go via the cannon, but it's the fastest way to get there. Where are the instructions for the cannon?" Francine pointed toward her locked-in-place mouth. Even though she had worked her hands free--the effects from the gun were many times weaker in that area--her lips and her feet were stuck like velcro. "So what? If you can't speak, use facial language. Danny Kaye *** made an art of it in his movie, `The Inspector General'. Excellent movie. I watched it at least a dozen times." Francine's left ear twitched and moved in several directions. "In the top drawer to the left of the chutes? Thanks." Curtis went over to the drawer, yanked it open, and pulled out the manual. He skimmed it over, then motioned Runner and GB over to the chutes. "Since you guys are so good at rhyming," Guido suggested, "you might want to toss in a poem on the way out, like Francine usually does." "Good idea. Oh, and while we're there, we'll see what we can do about asking Lou to develop some new high-tech armor for you guys. Runner, GB, you go ahead." Outside, Curtis's voice boomed over the speaker. "Hey, everyone that's out there! Move around! Don't sit and stare! Swallow a lime, get beyond the white line, or you'll run out of time, and on dust you'll dine! If any of you hate pizza, tough. Not much left to say, except BLAST OFF!" He squeezed the trigger on the launch pistol twice, then, at lightspeed, squeezed it and hurdled into the chute. One by one, GB, then Runner, then Curtis blasted off toward Guru Lou's. "I guess that's not a bad couplet," Guido said. "Could be better, though." "Now for a little fun," Teasy said. "Chico, Daniel, you can play chess if you want. I just want to make fun of everyone else, here." He turned to Francine. "Behold, the lost queen of Persia! She laughs! She sings! She cries! She can count! What is 2 + 2?" Francine's right ear flicked 4 times in succession. "CORRECT!" Teasy yelled as Guido tried to force the shout out of his ears. "Now, just what has made this ancient queen live for this long? BEHOLD!" He took out an unlabeled bottle, half-filled with a strange liquid. "TEASY'S GOLDEN ELIXIR! Tested by Emperor Napolean Bonaparte! Used to the fullest by the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs! Used on a whim by the French gypsies to fire the greedy officers of a French town! (?) And now, for your pleasure, the finest musicians on this side of the globe welcome you!!" The other 3 Rad-Cats started singing (with music in the background): (Daniel's side remarks are capitalized) "Teasy's Golden Elixir since it will quench your thirst, HEY Teasy's Golden Elixir it is for all it's worth, HEY Teasy's Golden Elixir since it will quench your thirst, HEY Teasy's Golden Elixir you can drink until you burst, HEY Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle...." While they repeated that word "Gurgle", Ambush Cat joined Teasy. "It works!" he said. "Tested by the finest royalties on the planet. Guaranteed to cure you of all sicknesses or no money back!" "Oh, come on. Everyone can see that is just lemonade," Guido protested. "My sentiments exactly," Teasy said back. "Reminds me of the time Dr. Whammy sent Polly that bottle. She drank it all down, shot fire out of her mouth, and went around the world in 2 days," Daniel said, reverting back to his childish self. "It wasn't until later that we found out it was actually Guru Lou who sent that potion." And speaking of Lou..... Curtis and Runner discovered firsthand how painful the launching could be. Curtis, who had as good an aim as Francine, bashed into the rocks 50 yards from Lou's home. Runner collided into him, but GB flapped his wings to create air resistance and managed to avoid them both. Curtis extracted himself from the rocks. "Brilliant aim, Curtis," he grumbled to himself. "You're just as good as Fran." "Well, let's see what Lou's up to," Runner said, picking himself up, dusting himself off, and walking away. They caught up with him at the door. Curtis knocked first. "Hey, Lou! You there?" The door opened and the scientist appeared. Right off the bat, he started talking. "What do you.....hey, you look like that guy who was helping the Cats in Los Angeles quite some time ago." "Yeah," Curtis said, nodding his head. "That's me. Anyway, I need your help. You've heard about those raids in Little Tokyo, have you?" "Uh-huh," Lou said. "Let me guess: you want to know how to solve the glue gun's sticky situation." "Yeah, something along those lines," said GB. "It's as simple as putting some ice on them to dissolve the effects of the glue," Lou responded. "I've tested it myself. I was getting some supplies at the supermarket when Quarter made his raid." Getting an inspiration, he added, "While you're here, you want some dinner?" The calico cat thought about it for a minute, then a long grin appeared on his face. "Sure, I guess I could have some extras," Curtis purred. "I already had some oatmeal at the palace, but I suppose I could fill up my stomach. Whatcha have?" "Well, I have some leftover pizza from the recent party," Lou answered. "I was behind the whole thing, Lou," Curtis laughed. "I organized the party, kept it under control, and made sure everyone had a fair share of pizza." "Well, come on in. We can heat it up in the microwave." Back at the parlor, things were getting better....for the Melikas. Chico and Daniel had rented a John Wayne movie, "BIG JAKE", and were watching it in the serving area, much to Francine's dismay. She would've liked to watch "The Mask", and wanted to stop them, but since she was stuck, there was nothing she could do. Teasy, meanwhile, was advising Speedy and Polly on child care, Bill Cosby style. "....since you have no children, let me describe the brain damage. You come into the room with a Pepsi, set it down and go for the newspaper, the child comes walking in, grabs the drink, you say "Give me that! You know you're not supposed to drink it!" The child says "Uh-huh." You say: "What did I just say?" He says, "You said, not to drink your drink." "That's right." You put it down, you go to get the paper, and the child picks it up again! And he quickly starts to drink it! You say, "GIVE ME THAT! Didn't I just tell you....?" He says, "Uh-Huh." "Well, why'd you do it?" He says, "I don't know!" WELL, THAT'S BRAIN DAMAGE!! If you tell a child not to do something, and he does it, you ask him why he did it, he says, "I don't know!" Brain damage!" Even Guido was laughing. "Poor people," he snickered. Teasy continued. "And trying to make children sit down....It's like a tobacco auctionaire....SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT!! NO, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!" Speedy and Polly had to cope with all this. They couldn't speak at all; therefore, all they could do was think. Speedy thought, his eyes blazing with an infernal fire. Polly thought nervously. "I can do imitations, too," Teasy said. He did an impression of the Big Cheese, saying, "CONTROL?! WHO'S NOT IN CONTROL, EH?? EH?!?" He clenched his fists and pretended to explode. "Hey, I just noticed something," Daniel blurted. Teasy dropped his paws to his sides, then turned to face him. "Yeah?" "You know how it gets cooler in the parlor when night comes?" Daniel said. "The coolness makes the glue a whole lot easier to scrape off." Francine must have noticed; after quite a while, she managed to get her left foot moving. "Well, I figure that if we get out some ice from the freezer, we can unchill the glue and get the nonworking parts moving again. Even better, in order to save the ice: decrease the temperature in the parlor." Speedy thought. "Well, all right," Chico said. "Daniel, you get the thermal blankets for ourselves, Speedy, Polly, Guido, and Francine. Teasy, when he gets back, you lower the thermostat by 39 degrees to the freezing point." "It's getting late," Guido protested. "You know how hard it to sleep standing up." "The glue's holding you in place," Teasy countered. "When we get the glue off, you guys can fall asleep." He winced, then added, "Guido, when you sleep, did you know that you smack your lips all the time? Please stop. It drives me crazy." Guido growled in annoyance, but was soon quiet. Back at Lou's...... "Actually, I've been working on upgrades for their armor for quite a while," the scientist explained. "When I heard the story of their armor, I had decided to make some new sets, as well." He patted a glass and metal case which contained four new spiffy suits of armor---three for the Pizza Cats, and a new one for Francine. Curtis had explained that Francine had been in training to be a Samurai since right before the comet hit. He had also mentioned that when she learned about the deeds that the A.L.D. were behind, she didn't want to be the leader of the Rescue Team, as Big Al Dente had said she was going to be. Instead, she wanted to become a full-fledged Pizza Cat with the ferocity of Genghis Khan. Guru Lou was only too happy to show them that he had constructed a fourth outfit for Francine, as well. "So what's the scoop?" GB asked. "I mean, what are the upgrades?" "I'll read off the complete list for you," Lou said, taking another bite of his pizza. "For Speedy Cerviche, extra titanium on his shoulder pads for protection, a 2-foot extension blade for his Ginzu sword, a uranium-titanium mixture in his armor to protect him from Lucille's missiles, a microscopic series of rods in his helmet to protect him from Polly's frying pans, springs in his hover-shoes to double the height of his jumps, and a clown sticker on Binky." Curtis groaned over a bite of pizza. Runner said nothing. "For Guido Anchovy, a rose design built into his armor to attract females, a portable laser in his helmet to fire at anything sneaking up on them, spikes on his hover-shoes to dash enemies across the boards, titanium-uranium in his armor, booster jets that let him slow down and escape a bad launching, and a glow-in-the-dark watch built into the triangle on his chest." Curtis arched an eyebrow--or at least he tried. As it turned out, both eyebrows went up. Runner remained silent. "For Polly Esther, a portable shower stall and some shampoo and conditioner tablets in her helmet so she can wash her hair during a fight, microscopic spikes that make her claws twice as sharp, a heart-shaped cattle prod that stings like an iron on the "wool" setting, titanium-uranium, like on the others, and a cherry on top. Just kidding on that last one." Curtis had to laugh at that one, but Runner finally objected. "What was that first one? I don't think it's very appropiate." "Oh, yes it is," Lou countered. "She tends to complain during fights about her hair getting messed up. This way, she doesn't have to wait to get back to the parlor to start all over again." Runner and Curtis both growled. "Females," they hissed in unison. Curtis gulped down what was left of his pizza. Lou continued. "As for Francine Manx..... she will have a katana, and the blade can fit inside while another handle and a chain form at the other end to make....what's that word?" "Nunchuks," said GB. "Think Michaelangelo from TMNT." "Right. For long-distance weaponry, she has bottle-cap shaped shuriken---" "Tell the rest of it to us later; I'm bushed," said GB to Lou, yawning. "You have a place where we can spend the night? The scene at the parlor is too ridiculous for us to sleep." "Right down that hall, second door on the left." "Yeah. We'll be up at 6:45 tomorrow morning so we can deliver the armor." Getting up, GB, Runner, and Curtis all departed for the guest room. Over at the palace, Big Al Dente was with several guards on a special patrol before settling down for the night. Conversing quietly, they turned a corner and headed for Curtis's palace quarters, which he used only once in a while. Along the way, they met Princess Vi, her nightgown trailing along behind her. "You couldn't sleep, either?" "We're just making our final rounds," Al explained. "We keep hearing these noises coming from Curtis's room, and we were going to check and find out what it is." Vi followed them to Curtis's room. Right before they opened the door, a small surveillance camera popped out of a wall and zoomed in on them. "I don't remember installing any security cameras around here," growled Big Al. He pulled his sword, just in case. "Come on in," someone shouted from inside. Vi looked at Al, shrugged, then pushed the door open. Inside the room, sitting on the floor in front of a control panel, was Carlos Cosmos. Behind him, napping on Curtis's bed, was Salty. Carlos looked up at Vi and grinned. "Top of the evening to you, Princess," he purred. Vi jumped excitedly. "HE'S THE ONE!" she shouted. "HE'S THE ONE I WANT TO MARRY! He's the sweet guy who gave me that silver pizza medallion!" "I thought you wanted to marry that crow," said one of the guards. "Forget HIM," Vi scoffed. "I heard he's married already, anyway." "Princess, you need your sleep," said Carlos. "We can talk more later. I'm only here to make sure the wiring on this camera is hooked up correctly. Whenever the palace is going to be invaded, an alarm will go off over at our new main headquarters downtown. It will send as many reinforcements as needed." "Why does your hair look like Goku's?" asked a second guard. "Goku's my role model," replied Carlos. "The only difference being is that HE'S faced Frieza, and I haven't." "Come on, Your Highness," said Big Al, gesturing away from the door. "Let's go." Carlos and Violet exchanged "good-nights" and departed. The minute the door was closed and the noises ceased outside the door, Carlos chuckled to himself. "Hard to believe I actually like that rabbit." Salty snapped awake. "The Super Nintendo. NBA Jam. Challenge you!" "Bring it on!" Carlos growled, a smile on his face. He dived over and flipped on Curtis's bedside television. "You be the Jazz, I'll be the Trail Blazers!" He slipped the cartridge in, then pressed the power button. "Just keep the volume low, so we don't wake up Vi!" Well, so much for that. At least I managed to squeeze in something amusing, huh? Here's a preview of the next fic: 2 months have passed since the Glue incident. Francine's training is nearly complete, and she'll have to complete it soon! When an airplane crashes outside of Little Tokyo, Curtis hurries to discover the cause....that cause being is that the A.L.D. is constructing a laser to crack open the Shogun Weapons Vault! All this and more, in.... # 5: HITTING TOWN Footnotes: * --- Joe Dumars was a pretty good player for the NBA's Detroit Pistons. He retired as a player only recently, just like his jersey number. ** --- Pecos Bill was a western legend for many a year. Many stories have been thought up about him; this footnote isn't one of them. *** --- Danny Kaye was an actor from the early-to-mid part of the century, and later owned the Seattle Mariners for a short period of time. His comedic acts included the film "Inspector General". Very good movie. supreme_cat@hotmail.com You can reach me at the address above. You can ask for info about my characters or my fics, or you can just send me something for the fun of it, if you want. Anyway, see you around! G.A. Wildcat