SAMURAI PIZZA CATS BLACK FLAGGED Author: G.A. Wildcat TEASER The A.L.D. have swiped the Cats' Ginzu weapons and have taken them to a secret hideaway on the California coast where Teasy and Chico's fleet-footed brother, Daniel, has put himself in a race against the fastest racecar drivers in the world! Although Ginzu-less, the Cats need to win--before the mythical TITANS turn the Cats into a white lemon, blue raspberry, and strawberry flavored 7-Eleven Slushie! Titans? That's right! Find out more, coming up next! END TEASER (The story opens on the streets of Little Tokyo during the early evening hours. A wounded Curtis is seen crawling towards the pizza parlor, one arm heavily bandaged. On his way over, he passes Lucille, in front of her shop wiping off a window, her back to him. Picking up a tennis ball, he flings it feebly, missing it's target by a meter but still catching Lucille's attention.) Lucille: Excuse me? Curtis? Is that you over there? (Curtis drags himself over, climbs over and collapses on a chair) Curtis: (mutters) Yes, I do believe we've met once or twice.... Lucille: Curtis, don't you remember? 1 week ago, at that one concert the Melikas pulled off? Curtis: Right. You got so excited about it that your missiles almost put me in the emergency room....thank goodness that those high winds blew them off course. And before THAT, while we were recovering from the last attack, one of your missiles turned me into toast. (Rubs his wrist; groans) Lucille (concerned): Curtis, what's wrong with you? Curtis: It's a long story, Lucille....but if I don't tell you, your head will explode in my face. (heaves a deep sigh) About 2 hours after that concert, I had a chat with Quarter....you know, Quarter, from the Animal Legion of Doom?...and he told me that if I could beat him at a simple board game....obviously an insult....he wouldn't take his temper down on the Pizza Cats for the loss of that miserable Soundwave Shocker robot he and the Big Cheese dreamed up. Lucille: What was the result? Curtis: (smirks) Turns out it was a game of Monopoly....the only game I'm actually good at outside of X-WING, TIE FIGHTER, and DESCENT. I wound up taking nearly half of all the properties on the board, each with at least 1 house on it. (But none of those properties were Park Place or Boardwalk.) I eventually won, and he lived up to his promise; he didn't take his temper out on the Pizza Cats....(winces as pain jabs at his shoulder)....turns out that, 15 minutes ago, he took his temper out on me. Lucille (shocked): What did he do? Curtis (angrily): He deliberately snuck up on me at my house 3 blocks from here while I was playing one of my countless computer games. One punch was all it took to dislodge 90 percent of my muscles, which is why I try not to get hit by him during a battle. (sulks) The only muscles that don't hurt are the ones holding my whiskers and my rib cage in place. (Lucille's missile racks pop open; Curtis turns frantic) WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! I'M IN ENOUGH PAIN AS IT IS!! (Lucille calms down, and her missile racks abruptly close) Lucille: Sorry. Is there anything I can do for you? Curtis: (painfully) Yes. Get me to the Pizza Cats; I'd like to have a little chat with them....Oh, and when you get back here later, could you say hi to Wally for me? (winces) Lucille: Sure. All right, let's go. (Supports Curtis with her left shoulder and walks toward the parlor) (Scene switches to the Pizza Cat. The parlor is only half-full, as it has gotten close to closing time. At one of the booths sits Teasy, Chico, and a smaller rendition of Teasy. The smaller cat has on a pair of dark red jeans and an SPC T-shirt [Ha!]. Guido walks up to them.) Guido: You guys ready to--hey, who's the kid? Cat: My name's Daniel, sir. Guido: (smiles) Just call me Guido. Cat: Okay, sir--Guido. Teasy: (smiles) He sounds a lot like Threepio. Come on, kid, introduce yourself. Cat: My name's Daniel. I'm the youngest cat in the family. Guido: How old are you? (Daniel looks away, shy) Chico: He's about 8 years old....And he's FAST. Guido: How fast? Teasy: Let me say it like this: He challenged the fastest racecar drivers in the world to a competition in California. Starts at the northern border, and ends all the way in Los Angeles. Daniel: I'm going to stay in first gear, too, just to give the cars a chance. (starts making racecar sounds) Guido: Cool. So, what do you guys want? Chico: (smirks) His speed gives him an appetite. Make it 1 small pizza with mushrooms, pineapple, and sour cream. Teasy: (smiles) Yeah, hold the Anchovy. Guido (annoyed): I'm getting tired of your jokes, Teasy. Teasy: I know; I'm out of fuel, myself....Oh, and 3 large sodas, too. (sings to himself) Macho, macho cat....I wanna be...a macho cat.... Daniel: (without any trace of sarcasm in his voice) Wow. A cat's rendition of a popular disco tune. (Guido ignores him. The door opens just then. Curtis staggers in, supported by Lucille. He drags himself to a table, muttering all the while, but hits the floor before he can sit down.) The Melikas and Guido: CURTIS! Curtis (sarcastically): What are you bothering me for? I like doing this. (Struggles up onto his elbows) (GB, who was making a delivery, enters.) GB: Okay, next deli----(shocked) CURTIS! (Bothered by the noise, Speedy, Polly, and Francine enter) Francine (annoyed): Just what is going on.....here? (Sees Curtis; whispers).....Oh....my.... (Curtis hisses) Chico: Oh yeah, Curtis doesn't like it when you say "Oh my G---" (Curtis swats his ankle before he can finish, flinching as he does so. The result: Chico falls and slams against the ground, headfirst.) Chico: (rubs his right temple) Anyway, you get the idea. (gets up and dusts himself off) Francine: (quietly) Oh. (loudly) OH, NO! Curtis: (reply is sour) Oh, yes. The champion of felines finally experiences real pain. (Works himself up and manages to get into the chair) Lucille: Do you want to repeat what you told me? Something about Quarter giving you a major pounding....(missile racks start to open again, but Daniel leaps and holds them down)...Thanks. Curtis: Could that wait? I'm both hungry and worn out....and beat up, too. Speedy (concerned): What is it you want? Curtis (as pain suddenly lances through): ONE LARGE PEPPERONI!...(Everyone jumps)....Yow, that hurt. Polly (unsure): Well, it's getting awfully close to closing time.... Curtis: Do it, or when I recover, everyone will be in a world of pain. (Revs up a bolt of energy, but it vanishes as he gasps in pain) And you know how irritable I get when I don't get my food. Guido: (hisses to Speedy) Better do as he says. We don't want any property damage. Speedy: (mutters) One pepperoni pizza, coming right up. (leaves) (Suddenly, an extremely loud alarm blares) Polly: HEY! WHO SET UP THAT ALARM!? Curtis: (smiles weakly) I did. I set it up right after you guys departed to fight the Soundwave Shocker. After I set it up, I made my way over there as fast as I could. (Chico reaches over and shuts off the alarm) Francine: Who tripped the alarm, anyway? Teasy: (snarls) Who else? The Animal Legion of Doom. You guys sure seem popular. Curtis: Speedy, you just get that pizza for me. The rest of you, find out what happened. Lucille, you might as well get on back and tell Wally that I said hello. (Everyone stands there, staring at him) Curtis: (snarls) Go on! I'm Grand Admiral Curtis Wildcat, and that's an order! Pizza Cats: (everyone jumps) YESSIR, SIR! (scamper away) Lucille: Okay, Curtis. See you later. (leaves) (Scene switches to a hidden room beneath the transformation chutes. All Pizza Cats, with the exception of Speedy, are inside. Everyone has shocked looks on their faces) Guido: (Angrily) Our weapons! They're gone! Polly: (same) Yeah! My autographed flute is missing, too! (Daniel walks in behind them, ignoring Teasy's shouting at him.) Daniel: You mean the one signed by the one and only Garfield? Polly: (sighs) That's the one. Daniel: (excited) Wow! I have GOT to see that for myself. I've always wanted to meet him.... (Suddenly, Chico's hand appears and drags Daniel back out the door by the tail.) Chico: Come on, Daniel. We've got a date with destiny over in California. (walks out) (Scene changes 4 full miles outside of city limits. Camera zooms down through the ground and goes down through a secret elevator. There is a hissing sound as the door opens. Someone, unseen, is walking through a short hallway. At one of the dark green doors at the very end of the hall is a black octagon with a gray paw clenching a miniature Earth. Emblazoned in the background of the octagon is a dog gnashing it's teeth: ALL THIS is the emblem of the Animal Legion of Doom. Right below THAT is the Big Cheese's personal logo. We go inside into the main storage area. Quarter, sitting in a chair and reading a book on Greek mythology, is standing near a large laser and a set of computer consoles. Next to him is Blackout, playing with a yo-yo and slurping up a bowl of lime sherbet at the same time. Walking up to them is a Labrador Retriever, dragging a sack behind him. Upon seeing him, Quarter takes out a checklist.) Quarter: Okay, Flashdog, here we go. 5 swords, counting GB's sword and Speedy's faithful ol' Binky? Blackout: (as Binky the Clown from the Garfield show) HEYYYYYYY, KIDS!! Flashdog: (annoyed) Check. Quarter: Speedy's Stars of Ginzu? Flashdog: Check. Quarter: Guido's spade-shaped daggers? Flashdog: Check. Quarter: Polly's Heart Darts and bombs? Flashdog: Check. Quarter: Guido's Samurai Sunspot Umbrella? Flashdog: Check. Quarter: Polly's autographed flute? Flashdog: (snickers) Check. Quarter: Good Bird's set of shuriken? Flashdog: Check. Quarter: (puts away the checklist) Good. They will be enough to equip our latest creations. Voice: And what are they? (Jerry Atrick appears in front of Quarter) Quarter: I was reading this book on Greek Mythology. Or, more specifically, the Titans. For those of you who don't know, there were 5 Titans: Ice, Lava, Wind, Rock, and the leader, Cyclops. They ran and wrecked havoc for many years, until "Big Daddy" Zeus showed up and imprisoned them in an electrical prison underneath the ocean. (For those who have seen the movie "Hercules", you'll know what I'm talking about.) I was thinking about recreating the Titans and equipping them with the Cats' weapons, making them twice as deadly. Jerry: Sounds like a plan....but what about the Rad-Cats? Blackout: The Rad-Cats are OUR forte'. Leave them to us; you just worry about the SPC. Of course, without their weapons, there isn't much to worry about. Usually, it's the Cat's Eye Slash that does most of the dirty work--- Jerry: (interrupts) The Samurai Pizza Cats are OUR forte'. You just worry about the Rad-Cats. Flashdog: Relax, Atrick. We'll get them this time. (BC walks up to them) BC: (snarls) You better. Because last time, our Soundwave Shocker was destroyed. A true masterpiece of a robot, and it gets wrecked by a blasted bunch of no-good.....no-good..... Quarter: .....cats. (smiles evilly) Don't you worry about that, ex-Prime Minister. Considering that attack I pulled on Curtis, he should be out of action as well. (thinks back) I have to say, though, he IS a good Tie Fighter pilot.... BC: In that case....how soon will the Titans be completed? Quarter: When Caner returns with the Terrific-&-Terrible Titan Transformer, we will use it on the 5 racecars that are going to be competing against Daniel Melika. Drivers will be dumped out, of course. Jerry: (curious) ...Caner?... Quarter: In an early fight against the Rad-Cats back in the late 1980s, his left arm and his left leg were badly maimed. He didn't want to amputate them, so he got himself a missile-loaded cane to help himself walk around....thus his name. (turns his mind back to the other subject, and laughs) Helloooooo, California! (Scene alternates back to the pizza parlor. It is past closing time. The 3 Rad-Cats are sitting at the counter with duffel bags in front of them, finishing off the pizza they ordered. Curtis is off to one side at a table, on cloud nine as he munches away at HIS pizza. The Pizza Cats are facing the Rad-Cats, fuming.) GB: (snarls) I can't believe it. Practically our whole arsenal has been stolen by a bunch of jerks..... Guido: (same) NOW how am I supposed to get Blackout to do the Hustle without the Sunspot Umbrella? Speedy: (same) Cat's Eye Slash? Bye, bye! Teasy: Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before. Anyone hear about the cat on the hot tin roof?....Never mind. That joke is over your head. (snickers) (Not able to take anymore of this, Polly slams a fist on the counter, causing him to jump slightly) Polly: (snaps, a red fire in her eyes and lightning flashing in the background. Woo-hoo, she's ANG-RY!!) YOU DON'T EVEN APPRECIATE THE SITUATION, DO YOU, YOU COMEDIAN?? THE ONLY THINGS WE CAN USE TO DEFEND OURSELVES OUTSIDE OF OUR FISTS HAVE BEEN SWIPED!!! WE MIGHT NEVER USE THEM AGAIN!! WE PROBABLY WON'T BE DOING OUR FINISHING SLASHES ANYMORE!!! THE A.L.D. AND BIG CHEESE CAN PROBABLY DESTROY US EASILY!!! I MIGHT NEVER USE MY FLUTE AGAIN!!! AND HERE ALL YOU CAN DO IS CRACK A JOKE?!?! THE NERVE!! Curtis: (annoyed) AHHHHH, SHUT UP, CALVIN. (Licks his lips, making a loud slurping sound. Speedy angrily snaps a glare in his direction, but the calico just smiles and goes back to his pizza.) Keep shouting like that, you'll contract laryngitis the next time around. (For those of you who have never read the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, Calvin was a 6-year-old boy with a big imagination to go along with his big mouth.) Speedy: (growls) Curtis, there are times when I loathe having you around. Curtis: (Grins. Straightens his legs, is held short by a flash of pain) Thanks. I was waiting for you to say that. The last step to having authority is to make sure your presence is acknowledged, albeit reluctantly. Making a joke is just as easy as asking General Catton to blow a hole in a robot with his cannons, by the way. Polly: (yowls; absolutely BALLISTIC) WILL ANYONE ELSE HERE MAKE A JOKE?? HUH??! IF SOMEONE HERE JOKES AROUND ONE MORE TIME, I'LL PUT HIM IN A COMA!!! (swings a fist at Chico, who cries out and falls off his chair) (Polly quiets down, breathing heavily. Everyone besides Curtis looks at her, shocked, except for one striped feline) Teasy: (doesn't say a word, but stares back at Polly, jaws gleaming. Eventually, he speaks up, his voice low.) Don't you yell at me. The Rad-Cats have been known to use blackmail for our good causes. Polly: (folds her arms) Blackmail for a good cause? Hmph! (Chico gets up and climbs back into his chair) Teasy: (growls) Shut up, or I'll drag your lousy pink and red carcass out in the street so you can get hit by a parked car. Polly: (screams) OR ELSE WHAT, DID YOU SAY??!! (There is a brief flash of light, and Polly is knocked unconscious as something cuts through her helmet and strikes her head from behind, placing her across her side against a wall. Teasy reappears at the stool he was just sitting at.) Teasy: (cracks his knuckles warningly) Or else THAT. I don't like using my Lightspeed Missile, but I needed to deliver the message somehow. Francine: (growls) Now, what did you do that for? (starts counting up the money earned that day) Speedy: (angry; jumps on the offensive) YEAH! THAT WAS MY WIFE YOU JUST HURT, YOU KNOW!! Teasy: The same reason I do everything around here, Francine, Speedy. To get my....(bares a claw)...point across. If I have to give someone a concussion, then it doesn't make any difference to me. (sheathes his claw) After all, I'm not 100% comedian, regardless of what you think. (Speedy, Guido, and GB look at him, angry, but holding their tongues) Curtis: (smiles) You go, Teasy. (chuckles, starts munching on another piece) Guido: (turns toward him) Curtis, are you okay? You've just started on your fourth slice. Curtis: Yeah, yeah. It's not MY fault that SPC pizza is a slice of fresh air. GB: (smiles) Thanks for the compliment. Chico: We know it's good, but that's dough, triple cheese, extra sauce, and quadruple pepperoni on that pizza. If you eat TOO much, you might become overweight. Curtis: (looks at him) Chico, buddy, pal....(roars)...SHUT UP!!! (The shockwave knocks over everyone. The money that Francine has been counting flies everywhere) Curtis: (calmly) Besides, I know I'm slightly overweight, but I can handle myself. I'd go running, but I'm in no SHAPE for it. (sounds like that loud-mouthed kid from The Simpsons) Ha, Ha! Daniel: I get it, I get it! No SHAPE for it....(laughs loudly. Teasy joins in) Francine: (gets up and starts picking up all the money) Oh, drat. I lost count. Guido: (more to himself than to anyone else) Big whoop. (The cats pick themselves up, and Daniel and Teasy stop laughing) Daniel: (gets up from the stool) All right, bros. Let's go. Does anyone else here want to come? Curtis: (shakes his head) Not me. Sorry. I still ache in over umpteen places. Francine: No good. I have a business to run, here! Speedy: (indignantly) And we're not going ANYWHERE until we recover our weapons. Curtis: Yeah, but there's a catch: What if there's an emergency that my boss, Big Al Dente, wants you to handle here in Little Tokyo? GB: Simple. The Rescue Team. Curtis: Maybe, but from what I've heard, business in the Rescue Team's respective restaurants in the suburbs has tripled over the last 7 weeks. They'd be too busy to lend you guys a hand. That, and Catton and his bunch are no match for Quarter anyway. (There is a groaning sound as Polly rolls onto her chest and struggles to regain consciousness) Speedy: Well, what are we going to do? Curtis: (smiles) Go with the Rad-Cats to California. If anything happens over there, they can back you up in an emergency. Francine: (worried) But what about over HERE? Little Tokyo needs protection, too! Curtis: I have some of my pals from my fighting days in America with me here in town. They'll help run this business and defend this city from crime at the same time. Guido: Hey, that rhymed! Curtis: Yes, indeedo, Guido. (stifles a laugh) (More groaning sounds, and Polly has stabilized herself, grasping a stool for support) Polly: (utterly confused; unsure of where she is, she looks at Speedy) Why, Mr. President, what are you doing here in Lil' Tokyo....? (Speedy stares at her) Polly: (confused) An honor to see you....(looks at Guido) I've see you've brought Vice President Burns.....tell Smithers I said hi..... Guido: (smirks, then snickers) Polly: (looks at GB and Francine) Hello, Homer, Hi, Marge....how's Lisa doing today----- (Suddenly, reverting to one of Polly's favorite pasttimes, Speedy takes a frying pan and whacks her head against a wall, bringing her back to this dimension. Hurriedly, Speedy hangs up the pan as Polly looks at him, suspicious) Polly: (suspicious, and slightly ticked) Speedy....! I was in the middle of a pleasant conversation with the President and his Cabinet!....Not to mention that was MY frying pan you used! (Everyone stares at each other nervously. The ever-famous giant sweatdrop appears on Curtis's forehead) Chico: Curtis: (nervously, but slowly) Actually, you THOUGHT Speedy was the President of the U.S, and Guido, GB, and Francine don't look anything like Mr. Burns OR Homer and Marge Simpson. GB: And unlike Homer, I usually don't eat a lot of doughnuts. Francine: (indignant) And I don't have blue hair, either. There's no way that my blonde hair is going to change. Not now, not ever. Polly: (shrugs) Ah, well. It would have been nice to tour the White House. To meet the President's cat....to see the Oval Office.... Curtis: Right, right. Maybe one of these days, I'll dial up D.C. and check it out. But, after all, this IS Little Tokyo, and the U.S. is on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. If you guys want to get to the race on time, you'll have to get to your plane...... (Suddenly, everyone disappears. Francine and Curtis are the only ones left inside the parlor) Curtis and Francine: (in unison) .....now. (Out of nowhere prowls Ambush Cat, a red fox, a Chinchilla Persian, another orange tabby, and a Brown Shorthair with a haircut that resembles Goku's.) Curtis: These guys will back you up here at the parlor until the SPC get back. Francine: Okay, but if these guys are going to be our backup force here at the parlor, I'll need to write down their job descriptions. (takes a notepad and pencil, and points to Ambush Cat) How old are you, A.C.? (Scene pans out of the parlor and across the Pacific Ocean. The sun is shown rising, then setting, then rising again, showing the time difference between and now and the next scene. We enter a hallway at a four-star hotel, as well as Speedy and GB as they walk down it.) Speedy: (folds his arms) When does the race start? GB: In about 11 hours, at 7:00pm, under the lights of a track that Teasy and Chico hastily constructed. Well, until then, what do you want to do? Speedy: Let's go grab some breakfast downstairs. (licks his lips) Voice: Too late. (Guido joins them as they turn a corner and walk into an elevator) GB: What do you mean, "Too late"? Guido: (taps the button that is linked to the floor below them, and the door slides shut) I myself had only some coffee and a cinnamon bagel, but Daniel devoured 4 glasses of orange juice, 2 bowls of Apple Jacks, and 5 apple danishes, so the management petitioned us to not eat here anymore, to eat elsewhere. (Elevator stops, and the door slides open. The 3 walk out and stroll down the hall. There is no one else visible. They walk up to Teasy's door) Hey, comedian! Open up! Teasy: (sing-songily) "Keep a-knocking, but you can't come in, come back tomorrow night and try it again...." Speedy: (keeping his cool and matches wit with wit) Richard sent me. Teasy: (chuckling) Oh, all right. (unlocks his side of the door, and let's them in) Come on in. You guys know what you want to do before the race starts? GB: I know what I'M going to do. I'm going to go on a little shopping trip. If I'm not back by the time the race starts, then tougha-lucka." Guido: What about you guys, Teasy? Aren't you going to stick around for the race? Teasy: (snarls) This may be a four-star hotel, but they certainly don't play around when they say they are going to disconnect the cable. I'm going to take Chico back to Little Tokyo and drop by Guru Lou's place; HE has ESPN. Speedy: (looks at him, suspicious) You KNOW about Guru Lou? Teasy: (laughs) Of course! There was this one time when I got mad enough to chase Daniel around the world, and one of my side trips happened to be near the edge of Mount Coochie! This was at the time you were begging Lou to lead you to the Catatonic! Guido: Oh, I see. (As they continue chatting, we suddenly have a.....scene change! Scene switches to the pizza parlor, at exactly the same time this exchange is taking place. Curtis is crouched on the counter, the haze surrounding his body flickering on and off. The newcomers are standing in front of Francine, awaiting job assignments before the shop opens.) Francine: (turns to Ambush Cat) A.C., you're on delivery. Ambush Cat: You got it, Fran. Francine: (turns to the red fox) Aldonza, you're the cook? (Aldonza is a red fox with a tail longer than her whole body. She has on a red shirt that says "The meek shall inherit the dust" [my apologies to GMC] and some cut-off jeans that reach down to her knees.) Aldonza: I'm the cook. Francine: Can you cook for me? Aldonza: (smiling) I can cook for you. Want to know how I got this good? I like watching the "Yan Can Cook" show. Francine: Can Yan cook? Aldonza: I'll show you later. Curtis: (haze flickers off) Aldonza, stop trying to be funny. (haze flickers on) Francine: (turns to the Chinchilla Persian. He has on a white jumpsuit [think Luke Skywalker from Return of the Jedi, with white instead of black] with the Pizza Cat apron strapped to his waist) Salty, you and Flatts will work the registers. Salty: Right. Flatts: (she's the orange tabby) No problem. Francine: (turns to the shorthair) Carlos, you're on both delivery and waiting tables. If the pace is too much for you, I'll wait tables also. Curtis: I should be at full strength by then. (haze repeatedly flickers on and off) Carlos: Right. (raises a fist into the air) Cats rule! Everyone: YEAH! (At that moment, the doors burst open, and the seats are soon filled with hungry costumers, among them a Ninja Crow from what's left of the Flying Skull village. Ambush Cat walks up to the crow) Ambush Cat: (high-fives the Crow) Hey, man! How ya doin'? Crow: Fine, since my grandfather's dentures got removed! (Both laugh, while Francine and Curtis grumble) Curtis: (growls) It's going to be a long day. Fran, contact Big Al and tell him about the slight adjustments in todays schedule. (In the meantime, out in California, we bring ourselves to the streets of the northern part of the state, right before the evening. All 5 racecars [no, I'm not going to tell you who's driving them] and Daniel are at the starting line of a racetrack, with Daniel 11 meters behind the last car. A camera off to the side is recording the proceedings as the lights on the lamp overhead begin to glow.) Daniel: (prepares himself) (First lamp flashes red) Daniel: <...we...> (Second lamp flashes yellow, then the third lamp turns green a second later) Daniel: <....go!> (With a burst of adrenaline, his paws kick into gear, and he slows down a little to match the pace of the lead car) (From a group of trees not far away, Quarter is watching the proceedings, with one hand on Caner's special gun. There is a small beeping sound, and Quarter reflexively jabs the gun into the ground and presses the trigger.) Quarter: (to himself) Take THAT! (The car that is at the back of the pack is hit with the ultrasonic wave. The driver inside loses consciousness, and the car disappears.) Quarter: (smiles) Perfect! (repeats the process, one by one) (At the hotel some miles away, we see the 3 Cats piled up, literally, inside Speedy's hotel room, watching the race via television.) Speedy: Say, Daniel's doing pretty good. Polly: (grins) MORE than pretty good. I say he's great! Guido: (who is at the bottom of the pile; voice is muffled) Could you guys get off me? Polly, I think you've had one too many bowls of shredded wheat this morning! Polly: (frowns) That's what concerns me. My diet is normal, and yet I'm gaining weight. What in the world is going on? Guido: (muffled) I don't know, but it's enough to hammer me into the ground if you jump on me! Speedy and Polly: (growls, in unison) Be quiet! (They do what Guido requests, however) Speedy: Daniel is approaching the final mile. Hush. (Back in Little Tokyo, business at the Pizza Cat is really rising. There is a loud clapping as Carlos wheels something in: a juke box. Curtis, whose health is now fully restored and with somewhat blackened fur, is standing on top of the counter.) Curtis: EVERYONE READY? Crowd: YEAH! Curtis: ALRIGHTY, THEN! IT'S PARTY TIME!! (somersaults off the counter, almost falling on top of Francine, who is watching an old episode of Mr. Ed) (The juke box starts playing popular music from the 1980s. Carlos, meanwhile, is distributing pizzas) Carlos: (hands an olive and macaroni pizza to a small jaguar) Here ya go, Jerome.....(hands an orange soda to a macaw) It's yours, Feathers.....(hands a pepperoni and cherry pizza to a familiar-looking albino rabbit [to us, anyway =^_^=]) Here.....(grins)....well, good evening, Princess. (The Princess is sitting with Big Al and the Emperor at a relatively large booth) Vi: (indignant) You're a minute late. Carlos: (smiles) I apologize for the inconvienence, Your Highness. (reaches into a pocket) As a matter-of-fact, here. It'll make up for time wasted. (Carlos hands Vi what looks to be a medallion, like those awarded at ceremonies, only in the shape of a pizza. Vi's eyes get huge) Al: (impressed) Interesting. Fred: (expressing his agreement) Fred! Vi: (voice is distant) Thanks, Al, Dad.... Carlos: Think nothing of.....(pauses as Aldonza approaches)....it. (turns to her) Aldonza, what is it? Aldonza: Carlos! Guru Lou needs a pizza right now! Teasy and Chico are with him! Carlos: (frowns) Really? I thought they were in California watching Daniel race. Aldonza: Well, they're not! I need you to get a pizza over to Mt. Coochie right now! Carlos: (shakes his head) I'm not going. Can't you see I was in the middle of a pleasant conversation with Her Royal Highness? Aldonza: (screams at him) WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? Vi: (angrily) YOU BE QUIET, OR I'M SENDING YOU TO PRISONER ISLAND!! Aldonza: (jumps a foot in the air, then slowly backs away) Um, I think I'll send Ambush Cat instead.... Carlos: Good idea. (turns to Vi) Sorry about that. Aldonza's afraid of anyone with authority. Talk to you later. (strolls off) Al: (turns to Vi. Her eyes are still wide open, and seem to have little hearts bulging from them) Something tells me you really like this fellow. Fred: Fo-red! Vi: (dreamily) Yeah.... (Back to our parody of A Day At the Races....) (Daniel is approaching the finish line in southern California. There is no sign of the cars behind him, and he believes that he has left them all behind in the dirt.) Daniel: (crosses the finish line and starts celebrating) Yes! Far out! Bogus! (His celebrating is cut off by a loud rumbling noise, and an earthquake starts up.) Daniel: (hooks claws into the ground) Bad time for the San Andreas Fault to kick in! (Then, what appear to be 5 large monsters emerge from the ground. Yes, it looks like it, it is.....the Cyclops and the Earth, Air, Fire, and Ice Titans.) Daniel: (pouts) Aw, man! Black flagged on the last lap! Well, no time to worry about that. (unhooks claws, gets up, and clenches his fists) MAROON RAD-CAT TRANSFORMATION!! (After the usual transformation, Daniel appears in a maroon outfit like the kind his brothers wear in battle. A dual set of flamethrowers appear on his wrists) (In the meantime, the Earth Titan hurls something at Daniel. The super-fast Rad-Cat manages to scoot out of the way before it explodes) Daniel: (reality kicks in) WHAA?? That was one of Polly's Heart Bombs! (clenches his teeth) Now I know what Quarter and the other guys wanted those weapons for! (shakes his head) Who cares about that now. It's time to kick some Titan tail! (Daniel strikes a pose. A spiffy fire background looms around him.) (Quarter and the others are watching from a nearby skyscraper) Seymour: (cheering the Titans on) GO, TITANS! Caner: (snarls) Those Titans had better work. The different materials that went into the making of my Titan Transformer are now scattered inside them. If those Titans go, then so does my Transformer. Seymour: (whacks Caner's head with a fan) Don't be such a pessimist. Come on. Enjoy the show! Jerry: (to himself) At least we won't have to worry about reruns. (A golden retriever, named Flasher [not to be confused with Flashdog] speaks up) Flasher: (growls) I just wish those Titans would hurry up. (Down below, the Ice Titan starts hurling GB's shuriken at Daniel. The hyper-fast feline dodges them all as he attempts to find a way around the situation.) (The 3 Cats see this on the television, as well.) Guido: (gasp) MAN! What in the name of the Catatonic is going on?! Speedy: (clenches both fists) I don't know, but it looks like he could use a little help! Get out the armor and lets get going! Guido: Speedy, you'll have to do it in the closet. Polly: I've got dibs on the bathroom! (grabs a pack and races over there, shutting the door behind her) (Speedy grabs his and scoots off, then vacates the room. On his way over, he rings the cellular cat bell around his neck. The vibrations echo across time and space....) (.....and reach the bell of Francine, back at the parlor. The party is still in full swing, and the Juke Box is now gyrating music from the disco era. Francine looks down from her television show and sees the vibrating bell.) Francine: (distraught) Don't tell me that they've run into trouble over there ALREADY! (tries to get out of her chair) I hate it when my feet fall asleep. Curtis? Carlos? Salty? SOMEONE?? (Carlos enters the room) Carlos: Yeah, Fran? Francine: I can't get out of this chair, so I'll need you to contact the Rescue Team----- Carlos: (grins) No problemo! (Immediately sets to work calling up and dispatching the Rescue Team) Francine: (jaw drops open several inches) Carlos: (laughs) Surprise, Fran! I'm familiar with this sort of technology. I use the same equipment in my starfighter. Francine: (gasps) Your WHAT?? This little feline mind just doesn't understand! Carlos: Tell you later. (Rescue Team appears on monitor) General, Spritz, everyone! We've got an emergency in southern California! The Samurai Pizza Cats are on their way to handle it from their hotel, but they're going to need all the help they can get! Catton: So....who are you? Carlos: (hurriedly) Name's Carlos Cosmos. I'm helping Fran with the parlor while the Pizza Cats are on "vacation." Meowzma: Short-lived vacation. Carlos: (frowns) Get out there and help the Pizza Cats. And remember: this task will not be easy. Bat Cat: We'll be sure to keep that in mind. Catton: Enough idle chit-chat. Let's roll! (The Rescue Team flickers off the monitor) (Cut back to the big fight. Both of Daniel's flamethrowers are blasting the Ice Titan. The Titan is slowly melting, and is completely so by the time the Pizza Cats arrive, leaving behind the last of GB's shuriken, as well as his sword.) Speedy: (shouting) Hey, Daniel, you all right? Daniel: Yeah, I'm fine, but we seem to have a few problems! Guido: (curious) What's that? Daniel: (snarls) One, both of my flamethrowers are out of juice, and they'll have to rest for a while to regain the lost fuel! Two, you guys don't have any weapons! Three, these guys are tougher than titanium and stickier than Scotch Tape! Speedy: (snaps) That's right! I forgot! Well, we have GB's weapons back, and that's a start.... Polly: (faces him) It's not good enough! Better hope we get some reinforcements, and SOON! (Daniel, who's ignoring them, is staring up at the Fire Titan. The Titan is grasping Guido's Sunspot Umbrella, and is holding it out in front of him. Almost instantly, an explosive beam of fire shoots out from the umbrella, large enough to engulf all 4 figures down below.) Fire Titan: Taste flame, primitive fools! Daniel: (growls) Primitive? Never! Pizza Cats: (scream) YYYAAAAAAAA!!! (Then, seemingly out of nothing, the beam gets worn down by a jet of water. Out of surprise and shock, everyone turns around) Guido: (startled) What---? Daniel: Wow! It's the Rescue Team! General Catton: That's us. In the flesh! Spritz: (lowers his water cannon) Perfect timing, guys! Speedy: (hurriedly) Catton, the A.L.D. stole our weapons and outfitted the Titans with them! Daniel, give us a rundown! Daniel: (surveys each of the Titans, who are studying the Rescue Team with interest) The Fire Titan has Guido's Sunspot Umbrella and his daggers. The Air Titan has Binky and Guido's sword, as well. The Earth Titan has Polly's whole arsenal, including her saber and her flute. (Polly hisses under her breath) Daniel: (pauses) The Cyclops has Speedy's shuriken, but that's not the worst of it! The Cyclops also has the Ginzu sword! If it uses that same trick Speedy used to make hash out of the comet, we're going to be....(pauses)....now, how does Vegeta say it?.... Everyone: (in unison; annoyed) Sent to the next dimension. Catton: (nods) Then we'd better decide on a plan of action. Spritz, you're on the Fire Titan. Meowzma, you're assigned to the Air Titan. Bat Cat, you're on the Earth Titan. I'll take on the Cyclops myself! Speedy: (shouts) ARE YOU INSANE?! YOU GUYS CAN'T HANDLE THOSE THINGS ALONE! Loud Voice: (loudly) YOU WON'T HAVE TO! (A vibrant shockwave rumbles through space. As the front reaches the Titans, the Earth and Air Titans brilliantly vaporize themselves, screaming helplessly. As the wave dies down, everyone looks up and sees Chico, in full battle gear, somersault off a nearby building and score a 2-point landing on the scarred pavement. The weapons clatter to the ground) Chico: I was at Guru Lou's, watching the race. After the Titans appeared, the TV picked up the distress signal that Carlos Cosmos had sent to the Rescue Team. Teasy can't come; he and Lou are arguing about something. (looks up) Sheesh, these guys are easy to destroy....they just come with a lot of firepower. Must've been made with cheap materials. (Speedy, Polly, and Guido retrieve their weapons) Guido: Like the materials used to make those racecars? Chico: (frowns) That explains it! Speedy: (grinning) Ah, there! We now have ourselves a fighting chance! (There is a whooshing noise, but everyone ignores it momentarily) Polly: (kisses her flute) Nice to have you back, darling.... Chico: (chuckles and starts to tease her) If you die, I'm gonna sell that thing. Polly: If you touch that flute, there won't be anything left of you. Speedy knows that just as well as you and I. Chico: (grins) Same thing goes for my keyboard. If you touch that keyboard, you better hope your life insurance is paid up. Polly: (scoffs) Yeah? What could YOU do to me? Chico: (prepares a Lightspeed Missile) Polly: (hastily; throws her hands in front of her) Forget I ever said anything. Speedy: (chuckles) Good try, Polly. Now, where's Daniel? Voice: (weakly) Over here, Mr. Cerviche..... Everyone: (gasp) (Daniel is plastered on the pavement several meters away. His fighting attire has been burned, as well as his shoulders. He weakly crawls over to Speedy, then falls unconscious.) Chico: (shouts) Daniel! (rushes over to him) Speak up, bro! Don't lie down on me now! Meowzma: (shakes his head) Sad. Polly: (same; sadly) Poor kid.... (Chico, needless to say, is overwhelmingly mad. He turns to the Fire Titan, his needle launcher glowing. Initiating his Vladdie Impaled sequence, he falls backward as the needle heads towards the Fire Titan.) Chico: (hisses) Take THAT! (The giant needle goes right through the mass of flame. However, it startles the Titan enough that it drops the Sunspot Umbrella. In a blaze of blue, Guido dashes towards it, picks it up, and scampers away. Chico's launcher rematerializes.) Guido: (grinning) HA! Speedy: (yells) LOOK OUT! (The Fire Titan, enraged at the loss of "its" weapon, begins hurling fire at the Cats. Soon, all cats are hopping as they try to avoid getting burned.) Spritz: (yells) Hot Stuff! Literally! (Over at the skyscraper....) Quarter: (shakes his head) Now, just what do they hope to accomplish by getting rid of the Titans? Seymour: MAYBE TO PROVE THAT THEY'RE MORE POWERFUL??! YOU'VE LOST SEVERAL TITANS ALREADY! THAT'S GOTTEN ME SO MAD....THAT I COULD JUST---- (He's cut off by his own explosion, sending everyone down. Quarter saves himself by grabbing a lightpost; however, everyone else smashes into the sidewalk, cracking it open.) Quarter: (groans) I'd better get them back up to speed. I can't take on Curtis and his motley bunch myself! However, before I do that, it's time for Plan Beta! (stacks up the fallen figures, including Seymour and Jerry, who didn't suffer as much, and dashes off. Back at the fight....) Guido: (growls) I'm tired of all this bouncing around. I say we wipe them out, and wipe them out NOW! (Clutching the Sunspot Umbrella, he leaps high into the air and goes into his Firebat sequence. Several yards away, Daniel's eyes flicker open.) Daniel: (groggily) Man, black flagged again....(sees Guido) Wah?! (snaps back into reality and disappears behind the Cyclops) (The Cyclops, hoping to avoid certain destruction, has split Speedy's Ginzu sword into two blades and is conjuring up a little Ginzu sequence of his own. Down below, Speedy and the others can only watch helplessly. The Fire Titan, too, has stopped hurling fire to watch the show) Speedy: (sighs half-heartedly) Well, guys, thanks for the good times. Polly: (stares at the ground) Guess our lives didn't go as smoothly as we wanted. Bat Cat: Well, scratch one group of heroes. Everyone: You said it. Loud Voice: STARCROSS SCATTERBOLTS!!! Everyone: (alarmed) SAY WHAT??! (A brilliant storm of lightning and fire bolts lightens up the day, followed a second later by Guido's Firebat blast. Being the most powerful of the Titans, they have a right to go down exploding, and they do so violently. The Rescue Team immediately dash away, leaving the others behind. Chico follows them. Daniel is standing off to one side, a look of exhaustion on his face.) Speedy: (places his palm on his helmet to help shield the glare) Man, that was quite an explosion! (moves his palm to his side; finds it white) Whaaa..... Polly: (repeats the process, and finds her hand reddish-pink) I don't know what is going on, but it's not good! Daniel: (shouts weakly) I don't know either, but you'd better hide, and fast! Guido: And WHY? Daniel: (growls) Let's just say that I'm glad you're not at the beach! (scoots away) Speedy: (groans) I don't even want to KNOW. (Back at the pizza parlor a few hours later, the last costumer has left, and the place looks trashed. Curtis and the others overlook the spectacle as Ambush Cat wheels away the Juke Box.) Curtis: (sighs) Don't think we'll be able to clean it all up tonight. Aldonza: (groans and stretches an arm) Haven't handled food like that in years. Thank goodness we didn't stay open until 11 like you had planned; otherwise, I think my arm would fall off. Carlos: (lets loose a yawn, and falls on top of a table, falling asleep instantly) Salty: He just said a mouthful. (holds back a yawn) I'm tired, myself. Curtis: What do you think we should do, Fran? (pauses. No comment yet.) Francine? (When Francine doesn't turn around to speak to him, Curtis does so. Francine is hugging the cash register, a somewhat evil look on her face) Francine: POWER! PRESTIGE! I CAN BUY IT ALL! BWA-HA-HA-HA! Flatts: (shakes her head) That is one wacked-out girl we have over there. Curtis: She likes money too much. Guess we don't have much of a choice. (whispers) Flatts, Salty, Aldonza, you take Carlos back to our new HQ. Ambush Cat, you might want to stick around for the fireworks. I'll deal with the dynamite that Speedy and the others will throw at me in the morning. (pats his sword) (A few seconds after everyone leaves.....) Curtis: (shouts; does a Frieza impression) OH, MISS MANX? WAKE UP!! (We get an outside shot of the parlor. This is a sound like a head striking a ceiling panel, followed by a stifled scream.) Francine: (voiceover) Guess I got a little carried away. (Lights switch off. We see Quarter stumbling through the streets nearby, dragging his fallen comrades behind him.) Quarter: (grunts as drags them outside the city) Guess I'll have to put the Glue Gun into effect sooner than I thought! So long, Quarter. Here's what's next: We'll be focusing on humor for the next one. After Guido stops Quarter and his Glue Gun, things go slightly out of control. We'll also be seeing something new, and it's not just with the Pizza Cats! Find out what it is, in... # 4 Silver Strength, Golden Glue I can be reached at supreme_cat@hotmail.com, just so you know. G.A. Wildcat