Samurai Pizza Cats: Name that Tune Author: G.A Wildcat Notes: For those of you who have seen or played Westwood's Command & Conquer, think of these stories, from now on, as the COVERT OPERATIONS, since Quarter's personal mission is that of the quiet (sort of) destruction of the Pizza Cats, and Curtis as well. Also, since I've forever removed the Narrator from my future stories, I've decided to take these stories a little more seriously. Not that I don't like humor--in fact, Teasy's jokes will soon reach an all-time high--but I think that with Quarter's mission, things will need to be looked at in a different way than SPC: Four Jokers. If no one minds, I'm going to assign my own names to the Cats' respective Ginzu attacks. Nothing etched in rock; just for my enjoyment and yours. (I hope.) TEASER Chico Melika, Teasy's brother and a downright music lover, is bringing his keyboard to Little Tokyo to keep Princess Vi and the Cats entertained. However, after a severe thrashing from the Big Cheese, who is plotting to escape Extras Island, Quarter needs an instrument to complete his latest scheme. What does he get? Chico's keyboard! END TEASER (The scene opens in the kitchen of the Pizza Cat, about 10 minutes before it is set to open. All 4 cats, plus the bird, are getting ready to open.) (Suddenly, there is a loud crash coming from the entrance to the parlor.) GOOD BIRD: (squawks) YIKES! WHAT WAS THAT?!! GUIDO (nervous): Hold on, everyone. Before anyone enters a state of gridlock, I think we should find out who is here this early. Surely they know that we open at 7:00? POLLY (annoyed): Yeah! Aren't they supposed to wait until we open up? (There is a succession of crashes coming from the serving area) GUIDO: (regathers his composure) That's what I'm going to find out. (Guido leaves the kitchen and enters the serving area. However, he gets no farther than 8 feet in when a fist sends him flying into a cabinet.) SPEEDY and FRANCINE (in unison, surprised): GUIDO! ARE YOU OKAY?! GUIDO (grasps his face; in pain): Man, that fist felt like a Jackhammer. (More crashes, and the sound of a window shattering) POLLY (smirking): Allow me. I'll handle the early-morning visitor. (She enters the serving area, Speedy right behind her. Just then, both Cats gasp. The door has been shattered open, and a trail of broken tables, chairs, and candy bar wrappers litter the floor. Over in the corner, at the only table that's not broken, sits Curtis. A snarl is framed on his face, his outfit has seen better days, and he is clenching a cup in one hand.) POLLY (angrily): Hey, Curtis. Aren't you supposed to wait until we open up before.... (She doesn't finish. Curtis spreads his claws wide and hisses.) CURTIS (angrily): Give me some coffee. SPEEDY (trying to hide his nervousness): Um, sorry Curtis, but you'll have to wait until we open. POLLY (still upset): Yeah! You can't just walk in and demand to-- CURTIS (seething; interrupts, gritting his teeth): Give..me..some..coffee. Maybe then, I'll let you keep your face. (He takes his claws and holds them in front of Polly's face. Polly, meanwhile, just stares back, albeit a bit nervously.) SPEEDY: Sorry, Curtis, but rules are rules. No serving until-- CURTIS (ballistic; screams in his face): GET ME SOME COFFEE!!! OR DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A HEAD-ON COLLISION WITH THE PALACE??! IS THAT IT?! HUH??!! (To emphasize his point, he takes a piece of a chair, leans outside, and slugs it. The piece quickly disappears in the direction of the Palace, hit harder than a baseball. Everyone else's jaw drops, with the exception of Francine.) FRANCINE (quietly): Better do as he says, Polly. We don't want to have any casulties. CURTIS (snappish): Darn straight. Now, shut up and pour. (After Polly gets him the coffee, Curtis calms down.) CURTIS (calmly): Sorry about that. I'm always like that when I get only 6 hours of sleep. GUIDO: Why only 6 hours? CURTIS: (covers his mouth and yawns) Mainly because there was a riot going outside my house. POLLY: You mean the one chanting "We want Space Ghost?" (Polly and Francine first grin, then giggle until a look from Speedy quiets them both) SPEEDY (accusingly): You were watching "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" last night again, weren't you? POLLY (shrugs): So I like Space Ghost. What's wrong with that, anyway? CURTIS (smiles weakly, and sips the coffee): It's a good show. Actually, they were thinking that I was trying to steal your thunder over in Los Angeles, when I was only providing reinforcements. I had to activate the booby trap I had set before I could get any rest. SPEEDY and POLLY (shocked): BOOBY TRAP? CURTIS: Cat-apult. Literally. It threw them just far enough for them not to consider returning. GUIDO: Curtis, it's been done.... CURTIS: (looks at him) I thought it up a long time before I met you, so don't blame me. GOOD BIRD (slightly upset): Well, where are the costumers going to sit now that the tables and chairs are ruined? VOICE: Have no fear; the Melikas are here. (Everyone turns toward the door. Teasy and another cat, an orange tabby, are standing in the door, carrying hammers, saws, drills, nails, and one wicked-looking chainsaw. Then, within a half-minute, everything is restored. The candy bar wrappers are gone. Teasy and the orange tabby are standing next to a table, grinning.) TEASY: (smiling) We'll do the same thing to the city, too, in a span of 15 minutes. FRANCINE (shocked): Talk about quick service! SPEEDY: (in awe) Uh-huh. (Suddenly, a herd of costumers break open the doors and fill up the tables. Both Teasy and the newcomer are shoved out of the way, while Curtis races out the door.) GOOD BIRD: And just in time, too. (yells) Okay, guys, lets get to work! (Scene switches to the inside of the palace 5 seconds later. Yours truly, Princess Violet, has woken up and is heading straight towards breakfast.) (Out of nowhere, the piece of broken chair that Curtis had bashed comes flying in through an open window. It bounces a few feet on the carpet, narrowly missing Vi, before coming to a stop.) VI (startled): Hey! Where'd this come from?! (Picks up the piece and examines it. [suspicious]) I recognize this. This is from the Pizza Cat! (Big Al walks in and heads straight for the princess.) AL: Whats wrong, Your Highness? VI: (angrily): I was almost hit by a chunk of the Pizza Cat! AL (puzzled): This came from over there? VOICE: Darn straight, Rover. (Curtis, in his brown tabby disguise, walks out from a hidden niche in the wall and faces Big Al and the Princess.) VI: (frowns) Who are you? You don't belong here! CURTIS: Call me Curtis, Your Royal Highness. (Suddenly spins around. When he stops, his fur is calico once again.) Sorry to have walked in like this. The guards at the front gate were a whole lot more polite. AL: (growls) Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here THIS early in the morning. CURTIS: Actually, I didn't know. I'm kinda new in this community....reason being that I'm American. I thought you could tell by my apparel that I didn't live in this city before. (Indicates his T-shirt, which has a picture of the state of Michigan on it) (Meanwhile, Emperor Fred strolls by, uttering "Fa-red." Curtis glances at him, suppressing a snicker, and turns his eyes back toward Al.) CURTIS: (continues) I've only been here a week, and the guys at Speedy's restaurant haven't told me very much, besides the fact that Little Tokyo is ruled by an insane emperor, a bazooka-brain empress....(under his breath)....and a pain-in-the-neck princess... VI (angrily): What was that?! CURTIS (hisses): I said that you're a pain in the neck. And if you think that sending me to Prisoner Island is going to solve anything, you're dead wrong right there, Your Worshipfulness. 'Cause the second I get there...that is, IF you can get me there...I'll be back quicker than you can say.... VI: TAKE THIS FELINE TO PRISONER ISLAND! (From out of nowhere, 5 guards appear and leap towards Curtis, swords drawn. Doing nothing else besides stepping out of the way, he lets the guards collide, then faces them and points toward something on his side.) AL: What's that you have in there? CURTIS: Oh, I didn't take it out? It's just my sword. Besides the fact that it can morph into any hand weapon, it's nothing special. AL: (nods, then takes the piece of broken chair) I take it you came back for this? CURTIS (takes the piece): Thanks, Big Al. If that brat-sized bunny has nothing else to say, I'll be heading back to the parlor...(glances at the fuming princess)....Oh, and I just thought I'd point out something...(turns serious)...You hear about that riot last night? AL: Yes. Why? CURTIS: They thought I was taking the Pizza Cats' glory away over in the U.S. AL: (memory clicking) Ah, yes. They were there to recover Cosby's stolen comedy notes....And they missed the carnival we held in the Princess's honor. VI: (looking at Curtis and Big Al warily) Perfect time for them to get an emergency in America. CURTIS: (smiles) Right. And contrary to peoples' claims, I was only providing backup. And I have the feeling that there's a new bad guy on the horizon....(walks toward a window and faces in the supposed direction of Extras Island) Besides, I think that regardless of the fact that he's in prison, Seymour's still running things. AL: (thinking): Hmmm...while you're here, I need you to do something for me. CURTIS: (turns from the window and faces Big Al) Sure, Al. Lead on; I've got time to spare. AL: Your name rings a bell in over a dozen different places, each of which I've seen on the news...Are you the former caretaker of the Mansion? CURTIS: (winces) Yes. In effect, I wasn't just the caretaker....I was the protector. AL: Did you have under your control one of the strongest super teams on the planet? One that drastically lowered the crime rate in your home state? CURTIS: That's also correct. I'm trying to reconnect some of the lost pieces...and, if I'm fortunate, I can convince the Pizza Cats to join up, too. AL: Then you're the one I need. In case I'm too busy to contact the Pizza Cats when trouble hits, you'll be the one to call them. In effect, I'm making you my second-in-command. CURTIS (surprised): Are you sure, Big Al? It has been only a few days since I've first arrived in town, and I'm not even a member of--- AL: If this is about the Council, forget about it. Little Tokyo needs a hero of your caliber to join up with the Pizza Cats. CURTIS: (sighs) Well, if you insist, Al. (mutters) It's hard to believe I'm taking orders from a dog....I'm a disgrace to my species. AL: (smiles) Kind of ironic when you think about it...by the way, did you say that your sword can MORPH INTO ANY HAND WEAPON? CURTIS: Yes. Why? VI: (excitedly) You mean if Darth Vader was real.... CURTIS: Yes, I could turn this into a lightsaber if I wanted to. I don't have any real strength in the Force, though. (laughs; tries to do a Yoda imitation) Remember, a Jedi's strength comes from....(smells something waving in through the window)...ooooh, doughnuts! VI: The sugar-free kind. AL: (thinks) What rank should Fred and I give to you, kid? FRED: FA-RED!! (The Emperor pops up between Al and the Princess.) VI: (smiles) Why, that's perfect! AL: (nods) We'll go with whatever he was called when he was in command in his home country. CURTIS: (his eyes narrow, and he grins) I hope you're ready. AL: (looks at Fred, and then at Vi) Yes, we're ready. CURTIS: (voice echoes) Grand Admiral. (We get a good screen shot of the outside of the palace. We hear a loud shout.....) AL and VI: (filled with surprise) WHAT??!! (....enough said. Scene changes abruptly to a cell inside Extras Island. The Big Cheese, with Jerry sitting against a wall opposite him, is about to fly into a rage....again. Quarter is standing right outside, eyes wild with fear.) BC (raging): You didn't get that script! NOW how am I supposed to torture those mangy hairballs?! You know I can't crack those Cats without Cosby's comedy! QUARTER (nervous): Calm down, Seymour. How do you expect me to do anything with those Pizza Cats screwing around? (Curtis comes to mind) And this...this...calico colored freak...he was the one that stopped me... (Right when Seymour is about to explode, he suddenly calms down.) BC: Did you say 'calico colored freak'? JERRY: That's what he said. BC: That's what he said? QUARTER: That's what I said. BC: At least, that's what I thought he said. JERRY: Yes, that's what he said. (Okay, so sometimes I can't be serious.) BC: I thought only females could have tri-colored fur. QUARTER: That's what I thought too...until I met him some years back. Anyway, I have the latest news. You remember me telling you about that bengal tabby back when I first met you? His brother is stopping by Little Tokyo, and he plans to prove his entertainment worth to the Council and to the Princess. BC (thinking): That reminds me of an old scheme I had once. (Scene flashes back to different parts of 'No-talent Guido', featuring the Rock 'n' Roll Robot, how the Big Cheese and the Rude Noise used it, and how it got destroyed in the first place.) JERRY: You were singing so badly, you sent that entire portion of the city into convulsions. BC: That's right. And I intend on doing it again....this time to the Cats. Quarter, snatch that Cat's keyboard for me....You know how to make bad music, right? QUARTER: Yeah. In my spare time, I play a mean harmonica....and I practice my xylophone and my guitar during boring moments. JERRY: (puzzled) ....? Harmonica? Xylophone?? QUARTER: You have a problem with that, Master Atrick? I stole those instruments from a music shop 11 years ago. JERRY: (shaking his head) No. BC (quietly): Good. After you've got the keyboard, break me and Jerry out of here and we can rendezvous outside of Little Tokyo. I've already contacted the Rude Noise, and they'll be helping us too. QUARTER: (smiles) Them? I have one of their tapes. They do some pretty good heavy metal. (As BC and Quarter laugh and Jerry sighs to himself, we switch to the parlor's serving area, during the noon break.) SPEEDY: So, you're Teasy's brother, right, Chico? CHICO: Correct. I came here to ensure my popularity in Little Tokyo. FRANCINE (curious): What exactly do you do? CHICO (proudly): I'm a musician. GB (puzzled): In that case, how come we've never heard of you? CHICO: Because all my albums were sold in North America. As a matter-of-fact, I have reason to believe that Abigail, over in New York, has 2 of my CDs. TEASY: (surprised) What? I thought you sold them to that girl Lucinda! CHICO: Want to know? Sundance told me when I hosted a concert over in Manhattan. POLLY: Since when did ABIGAIL become a fan of piano and guitar music? She was always one for country music. (Yecchh! No offense to those who like it, but personally, I think it stinks.) CHICO (smiling): That's for ME to know, and for YOU to find out. SPEEDY: Mind if we hear some of your music? TEASY: Actually, we had a special surprise planned for you guys. GUIDO (curious): Oh? And what surprise is that? TEASY: Chico and I had to pull a couple of strings, but we managed to convince Princess Vi to let us hold a concert in front of the palace. You guys will be coming, the Council will be coming, and Mr. Shoo-Bop-Shooby-Dooby himself will be coming also. FRANCINE (smiles): You're talking about Emperor Fred? TEASY (grins): That's right. POLLY (curious): How much longer until the costumers come back? (rests a hand on Speedy's shoulder) SPEEDY: (checks watch) We've still got another 15 minutes. (Chico leaves the serving area temporarily. A second later, the telephone rings. Everyone races to the phone, but Teasy beats everyone. He waits until everyone vacates the room, then picks it up.) TEASY: (picks up the telephone) Samurai Pizza Cats, Teasy Melika speaking.... FEMALE VOICE: Yes, can I speak to Guido? TEASY: Sure. Hang on a minute...(claps a paw over the phone, turns face away from the phone, and shouts): Hey, Anchovy! Telephone! I think it's Miss Nuclear Noggin! (Loud explosions are heard over the telephone) TEASY: She must have heard me. Huh! (GB glares at him.) GUIDO: (glares at Teasy, takes phone away) Hi, Lucille. Sorry about that. One of my loudmouthed jokers hanging around here. (Suddenly, a roar of rage echoes throughout the parlor. Teasy, Speedy, GB, Polly, and Francine race toward the source. They enter a room at the rear of the parlor. Chico is standing there, the fur on his neck standing on end.) POLLY (alarmed): CHICO! CHICO (angrily): I'm going to get the scum that stole my keyboard. TEASY (sarcastically): Scum? Must've been hard for it to lift your keyboard. CHICO (snappish): You know what I mean. My keyboard's not here. IT'S GONE. (Everyone gets on hands and knees and searches for lost evidence. About a minute later, Speedy spots some paw prints) SPEEDY: Hey, guys! Over here! (Everyone gathers around him.) TEASY (angrily): This has Quarter's paw prints standing all over it! GB (gaping at the prints): His feet are huge! They're probably larger than our heads! TEASY: And just as thick, too. FRANCINE: (ignoring the comment) Question is, where did he take it? VOICE: Wouldn't you like to know. (Everyone looks at the door. An overweight black cat is standing there, with the A.L.D. emblem attached to the green flannel shirt he's wearing. Not grossly fat, like Dr. Robotnik, more like midway between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, a famous comedy team who did....I'll tell you later. You probably know by now, anyhow.) CHICO (surprised): BLACKOUT! But....you got vaporized in the Mansion's explosion! BLACKOUT: Not quite. (grins evilly) My bulk wasn't quite enough to slow me down. SPEEDY: (confused) Mansion? What are you guys talking about? GB: (same) Yeah! What in the world.... BLACKOUT (interrupts): I'm about 60 pounds overweight, but I'll be going back to my normal weight. POLLY: Is that small? BLACKOUT: 30 pounds overweight. Anyway, I've taken the keyboard--with Quarter's help, of course--and I've hidden it in a place that I won't tell you about. FRANCINE: Tell us! BLACKOUT: Sorry, but I'm not at liberty to tell you. SPEEDY: (upset) TELL US! BLACKOUT: Beat it, bozo. You bother me. (Turns around and leaves) (Francine, clenching her fists, leaves after him. A minute later, there is glass shattering. Everyone enters to see Francine standing next to a broken window, shouting at Blackout, who is limping away from the window.) TEASY (shocked): What did you do to him? FRANCINE (smiles): Have you ever heard of Semi-Deadly Force? He still got away, but at least I made him feel the pain. TEASY: Oh. (Imitates Darth Vader) If you only knew the power of the dark side of the Force. (normally, laughs, then turns serious) Unfortunately, he has the keyboard. As soon as possible--preferably, today--we'll have to get it back. (All heads turn toward Guido, still talking on the phone to Lucille) GUIDO: So, anyway, Lucille, I have to get going. Break time ends in less than 2 minutes....Okay, see ya....Bye....(hangs up) (Suddenly, Curtis's face on the monitor appears) CURTIS: HEY, CATS! EMERGENCY, PRIORITY RED! (Everyone gathers around the monitor) POLLY: Hey, Curtis! What are you doing at the palace? Where's Big Al? CURTIS: He's busy fooling around with a new computer I helped him set up. It's HUGE. 460 Mhz, 21 Gigabyte hard drive, 40x CD-ROM, 110 MEG of RAM....you get the picture. Anyway, we have problems. EVERYONE: Okay, 1...2...3...What's up, Curtis? CURTIS: (smiles) Louder. EVERYONE: (annoyed) WHAT'S UP, CURTIS? CURTIS: I think I'm going to like that....Anyhow, my ears are detecting enormous sound waves 2 miles outside of Little Tokyo. FRANCINE: Is that bad? CURTIS: Yes....I think I'm having trouble hearing with my left ear....I'm not entirely sure what it is. I'm putting you guys on yellow alert. When I'm sure what it is, I'll call you guys to action. POLLY: (puzzled) Then why the Priority Red signal? CURTIS: (angrily) Because I have reason to believe that the Big Cheese and Jerry have hopped, skipped, and jumped away from Extras Island. (Big Al and Princess Vi gasp in the background) EVERYONE: WHAT??! (Loud voices in the background; Curtis dodges out of the way of something.) CURTIS: Look, I've got to go. I almost got skewered by Princess Vi. (to the Princess) HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING THAT PIKE, YOUR WORSHIP! GUIDO: (shrugs) Sounds like something Captain Solo would say. (Everyone snickers; Curtis snaps his face back at the Cats, dodging Vi again in the process) CURTIS: And if you laugh at me again, I'll have you schmucks brought to a boil. Now stay alert! (Curtis flickers off the viewscreen. A second later, break time ends, the costumers return, and, thanks to the ovens, the kitchen heats up.) TEASY and GB: Yes, I believe he's serious.... SPEEDY: No kidding. (Scene changes again, this time to a grassy field outside of Little Tokyo. A giant robot, being about 70 feet tall, has taken up the whole field. It's white, made totally out of diamond plated armor, and has a head that looks like a stormtrooper helmet. Where it's arms should be are giant shells, each of which hides a dagger-shooting cannon. There are giant speakers; one on top of it's head, 2 more at the torso [which looks like an oval-shaped fan on the BODY of a stormtrooper], and another one on the back. There are 3 engines at the base of the robot more powerful than any jet, positoned on the LEGS and FEET of a stormtrooper. Inside the helmet are the Big Cheese, Jerry, Quarter, and Blackout. Behind them, instruments ready, are the respective members of the Rude Noise.) BLACKOUT: (bandaging his ankle) I feel like one of the captains on the Death Star. QUARTER: (looks at the ceiling) Is that because this head is shaped like a stormtrooper's helmet? BLACKOUT: (presses the bandage firmly) That, or it's the fact that I watched the whole trilogy yesterday afternoon. I also went to see Episode 1 not long ago, and that movie was good, too. BC: (growls) THIS time maybe we won't lose to those mangy Cats and that calico. After all, once this robot is done testing, torture will be terrific! JERRY: Something still worries me, though.... QUARTER (inspecting the Rude Noise): And what's that? JERRY: We don't have anyone to keep the Cats busy if they find out where we are. I've tried contacting the other Ninja Crows, but they don't want to leave the luxury of Prisoner Island. BLACKOUT: Leave that to us. If anyone can delay those fuzz-brains, it's us. BAD MAX: That's right. We outnumber them, 8-7. RODNEY: Besides, we've improved our old Ultra-Deadly-Disaster Blaster (back from No-talent Guido). It's now more than strong enough to punch through any defense. JERRY: Good. Now, you remember the plan? QUARTER: Yes. In approximately 1 hour, we strike the siren keys on Chico's keyboard. BLACKOUT: Providing that no one has any headphones, they will start writhing on the ground, trying to drown out the noise. Then, as Bad Bird would've said, we turn them "into Siamese sushi!" MOJO ROJO: With them out of the way, we use the Dagger Cannon, the keyboard, and the half-dozen hidden weapons we set up to force Emperor Fred to give up his rule. BC: Excellent. Excellent. BAD MAX: THEN can we start playing our hard music? JERRY: (sighs) Yes, but give me oppurtunity to hide, first. BC: Wait a second. This robot needs a name. QUARTER: (voice dripping with sarcasm) It does? I didn't know that. BC (shouting): NAME IT! NAME IT! NOW!! BLACKOUT: (raises a half-full bottle of soda over his head; tries to sound like King James of old) I proclaim thee robot to be entitled Soundwave Shocker!! (smashes the bottle against a wall; however, being it's a plastic bottle, it doesn't shatter. Grinning, Blackout takes the bottle and gulps down the soda.) (No one knows this, but someone has been listening in...Hiding in the grass several meters away is Curtis, who has tracked the missing keyboard over in this direction.) CURTIS: (hisses to himself) All right, Quarter. Welcome to the asylum. (Turns around and dashes back to the palace) (Switch to the inside of the palace. Curtis is crouching on a rug in one of the back halls. He is ripping open a package.) VI: (runs up to him) Hey! Just what is in that crate, mister? CURTIS: Headphones....complete with Walkmans....And don't call me "mister", either. VI: And what are they doing here? CURTIS: I've uncovered what Seymour is up to next....and I believe everyone here will need these. What's your favorite music? VI: (thinks for a moment) Hmmm....It doesn't matter to me. I just listen to whatever's there that I think is good. Why? Is that important? CURTIS: Yes. What about your dad's? VI: Any kind of scatting music. CURTIS: (rolls his eyes) Figures. VI: What's YOUR favorite kind? CURTIS: (snickers) Me? It ranges from easy-listening music--sung on key--to jazz and rock. I don't care, as long as it's not opera, rap, or heavy metal. VI: What's Seymour up to? CURTIS: His latest robot can damage a person's ears and send them into states of panic. SOUNDS like I need to warn you-know-who.... VI: Who? CURTIS: (growls) Who else? The Samurai Pizza Cats! (Back to the pizza parlor....) GB: (leaning against a wall) SPEEDY: Hey, Teasy! While you're here, get this mushroom and blueberry pizza to those-- (Curtis appears on the monitor again) CURTIS: YO! HOP TO IT, PIZZA CATS! GIANT ROBOT HAS BEEN DETECTED OUTSIDE OF THE CITY!! GUIDO: GIANT ROBOT?! EVERYONE ELSE: GIANT ROBOT!? CURTIS: That's right. Giant robot. Get your headphones and get moving! TEASY: But why do we need to bring.... CURTIS: (fur fluffs up) DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS, YOU NITWIT!! JUST GET GOING! (Speedy, Guido, Polly, and GB head for the transformation chutes. [Queue the transformation sequence with the ultra-cool KNT music ^_^] Meanwhile, hidden from everyone's view except for Francine's, Teasy and Chico face each other, clench their fists, and start vibrating with energy) TEASY: (shouts) VIOLET!! CHICO: (same) INDIGO!! TOGETHER: (same) RAD-CATS TRANSFORMATION!!! (A flash of light later, Teasy and Chico are in their individual fighting outfits; Chico having the same apparel, only indigo colored. A bass speaker is encased in his left wrist, while a needle launcher materializes on his right.) Francine: (over the P.A. system) Good afternoon, citizens of Little Tokyo. It's time once again, I'll count to ten, and the SPC will be where the air has been! Oh, and stay behind the white line, if you could? Thank you. Launch away in 1...2...3...4...well, you get the idea! (Francine squeezes the trigger, and one by one, the 4 take off into the air. At about the same time, the Rad-Cats appear on the ground, keeping up with them easily.) SPEEDY: Why did he want us to bring headphones? POLLY: Good question. I have no idea. GUIDO: Could have something to do with that robot. Thing is, we don't know what that robot's capabilities are. Curtis wouldn't tell us. GB: (flying above them) By the way, I talked to some of my Ninja Crow buddies yesterday, and they told me they're having a good time at Prisoner Island. CHICO: (yells up at them, puzzled, as he and Teasy run on the ground) Who'd want to have a good time under the noses of a prison system? POLLY: You never heard? There was a guy there who had half the island transformed into a resort. TEASY: (smiles) It must be funny. Walk up to Princess Vi and call her Carrot Top, and she'd have you sent over there....boy, imagine being exiled to a tropical island not in the tropics. If she found out, she'd get mad and boot everyone out of the city, except she can't send them to a resort without looking like a first-class idiot!! (laughs) And if ol' Mr. Beam got sent to EXTRAS Island, he'd probably do the same thing! GUIDO: (panicking) GIANT ROBOT, RIGHT AHEAD!! (Teasy and Chico put on the brakes, and GB lands beside them, flapping his wings furiously. Meanwhile, the other three collide into the stormtrooper helmet.) BC: YAAAAHH!! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!! HELP ME, OBI-WAN, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!! (dives for cover) JERRY: (sighs, and rolls his eyes) Sheesh. (Punches a button in front of him; a pair of windshield wipers knock the Cats off.) SPEEDY: (gets up) What is that thing? A stormtrooper gone wrong? An Imperial soldier without arms? TEASY: Yeah, that was my first impression.... POLLY: (struggles to her feet) My sentiments exactly. (loud shout above them) GB: (squawking) Watch it! Watch it! (Quarter and Blackout land in front of them; Quarter with his ray gun, and Blackout with a glowing sphere hovering above his hand) QUARTER: (grinning) Hello, fuzzbrains, glad to see you could make it. BLACKOUT: What's the case, here? Come to save your keyboard? QUARTER: Say goodbye, Cats. (shouts toward the helmet) OKAY, SEYMOUR! BC: All right, guys! (Loud polka music eminates from all four speakers as Bad Max [from now on referred to as Crow-Magnon] puts the keyboard to work) TEASY: (yowls; claps his paws to his ears) NOW I KNOW WHY CURTIS WANTED US TO BRING HEADPHONES! POLLY; (screaming; both hands encasing her ears) PLEASE!! NOT POLKA! I HATE POLKA!! (falls on the ground, twisting and screaming) BLACKOUT: Don't we all? Since I like it personally, those waves aren't affecting me. (And for the first time, we see that Quarter has headphones in his ears. Everyone else starts twisting on the ground, except for one) CHICO: (furious) THAT'S MY KEYBOARD, YOU SCUZBUCKETS! (activates his needle launcher and starts spraying needles in the general direction of the speakers. Some strike the speakers, others collide with the torso, but none do any real damage) QUARTER: NOT JUST YET! (rears back, then delivers an earth-shattering blow. The force of the attack sends Chico flying into a boulder, cracking it, splitting it in half, and sending Chico into the rubble) BLACKOUT: (smiles; quietly) It's party time. (Hurls the black sphere. It explodes, big time. Everyone is sent flying, and they all land in front of the robot) How'd ya like that, huh? GUIDO: (burned; grasping his head; screams incoherently) POLLY: (pulls off her helmet, drops it, encases her ears in her hands, falls to the ground again, and screeches painfully, ignoring the burn on her forehead) SPEEDY: (Eyes bug out; looks like a scourched clam) GB: (same) TEASY: (yowls loudly and swings without intent of hitting anything) SWINGS AND MISSES AT THE CURVE BALL, AND HE STRIKES OUT WITH 3 MEN ON BASE! (continues swinging, momentum carrying him in different directions. His momentum dislodges Polly's helmet, and it disappears in some tall grass) HE BUNTS IT! HE'S SAFE! TEASY SCORES!....BUT WAIT...HE'S BEEN OFF HIS BASE FOR YEARS! CHICO: (extracts himself from the rock. He's still furious) Yeah? Which base? BLACKOUT: (laughs at the joke) Yeah, that's what I-- VOICE: I DON'T THINK SO!! BLACKOUT: (stops laughing and scowls) I know that voice.... (Screen turns black, and white claw marks shred the screen....literally. All 4 speakers have now been demolished. Curtis is standing over the Cats, headphones on, a fire blazing in his eyes. After the debris from the speakers stop falling, he speaks.) CURTIS: (absolutely ANGRY) THESE ARE MY FRIENDS YOU'VE HURT, BLACKOUT! TIME FOR SOME PAYBACK! (Draws his sword. Background turns black, and lightning bolts flash across the screen. The blade lengthens, and he starts spinning it rapidly. Curtis yells a battle cry) MR. PRIMA DONNA.....FIVE-STAR MACARTHUR!!! (Stops spinning the sword. He leaps, then slashes downward in mid-air. A grayish-white laser materializes and strikes Blackout at point-blank range. Curtis smiles) THAT was the Quadruple Strike. (Blackout is sent spiraling into the helmet, smacking and knocking down Seymour) BC: (frantic) IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE! IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE.... (makes static noise) JERRY: All right, Rude Noise! Get them! (All 4 members of the Rude Noise charge after Curtis, led by Crow-Magnon. One by one, Curtis knocks them out of the air with his fists.) CURTIS: (tauntingly) Look, Crow Boys, if you get up early in the morning, the best you could do would be to stick your heads in some Jell-o and yell, "Boy, am I tired!" CROW-MAGNON: (angrily) ALL RIGHT! TIME TO PUMP IT UP!! HIT IT, GANG!!! (Rude Noise go into the U-D-D Blaster sequence. I repeat: I've seen it in the No-talent Guido episode, and I liked it so much I thought I'd include it here.) CURTIS: (smirks) Great. Yet another fine fighting concept. Well, if we want to do this right... (Rude Noise fire the Blaster. However, Curtis has another trick up his fur. Clenching his fists, he starts blazing a brilliant yellow, and from his entire self shoots a brilliant white beam of light. With one swift stroke, it pushes the beam from the Blaster back until it detonates at the source, scattering the Rude Noise) MOJO: (screaming as they vanish from view) NO FAIR! WE JUST HAD THAT THING UPGRADED!! WE'LL GET YOU SOMEDAY, MARK MY WORDS!!.... CURTIS: (screams after him) YOU WANNA BET? A DOZEN NINJA CROWBOTS COULDN'T STOP ME!! CHICO: (eyes wide) MAN, Curtis! Where did you learn that? GB: (recovering) Yeah! Where? CURTIS: It's a little trick I learned from watching too many episodes of Dragon Ball Z. GB: (looks at him blankly) CURTIS: Okay, so I like Vegeta. BIG, FAT, HAIRY DEAL! (By this time, all Cats have recovered) GUIDO: (painfully) Ouch. Man, why does my head feel like it's been on fire? CURTIS: Because those sound waves from the ol' Soundwave Shocker rendered you unaware. POLLY: (groans) What do you mean? CURTIS: (taps his headphones) Speak up! I have some loud music going on here. POLLY: (shouts) WHAT DO YOU MEAN? CURTIS: (frowns) When those sound waves pierced your eardrums, you could no longer care about anything else; you only cared about filtering out those waves. You couldn't tell when Blackout scourched you with that sphere....for all I know, you couldn't tell if Quarter tried to ram a spear through your chestplates! SPEEDY: (gasps) Man, Quarter must be one dangerous character!...Hold on a second. What do mean by 'sphere'? CURTIS: You know that 'black basketball' that Blackout was holding earlier? GUIDO: Yes. CURTIS: It's called a Sphere of Twilight. It's black color indicates that it is 3 times hotter than purple fire. Just be glad that he decided to distribute it's power between you 5. If he decided to just blast ONE of you with it, you would've been in intensive care for 2 months, if not dead. POLLY: (turns pale, and her eyes widen) I see. CURTIS: (accusingly) NOW do you get it? Now I have to spend what I have of my salary getting you guys hospitalized. I don't care what happens; you should never doubt me. If I tell you to bring headphones, you bring headphones. If I tell you to jump in Lake Otama, you jump in Lake Otama. Understand? POLLY: (swallows) I understand. GUIDO: (nods) Ditto. GB: Being dumb and being doubting are two different-- CURTIS: (interrupts) Being dumb and being doubting are technically the same thing, you walking feather duster. (spots something out of the corner of his eye) QUARTER: (angrily) Eat dust, Cats! (fires his gun) TEASY: SCATTER! (Faster than believed possible, everyone disappears. The beam fired from the gun hits a nearby wood fence, disintegrating a large portion of it.) QUARTER: GUIDO: (face hidden by Sunspot Umbrella) You know how we weren't invited to your little party? Well...(removes umbrella, revealing his face)...we've decided to crash it! (Quarter's ears perk up as he hears a musical note. Polly appears, minus her helmet) POLLY: (removes flute) Yeah! You probably know it, but in case you don't....(blows a kiss)....cats rule! (Quarter's head snaps toward Speedy) SPEEDY: The A.L.D. has met it's match with Little Tokyo's greatest defenders.... ALL 3: The Samurai Pizza Cats! (Teasy, Chico, and Curtis appear suddenly from behind them. The background turns dark, transforming the three into silhouettes) CHICO: This is directed to Seymour at the top of the Soundwave Shocker... CURTIS: It's always nice to strike back after a period of inactivity, but it all depends on who's striking! TEASY: Therefore, I want you to say hello to 3 cats with attitudes..... (The background lights up again; the 3 do an imitation of DBZ's Ginyu Force) ALL 3: WE ARE THE SUPER-CATS!! CURTIS: (grins evilly) And don't you ever forget it....or you'll live to regret it. (Quarter, meanwhile, has escaped into the robot's head) CHICO: (glances at a hidden watch) Hmmmm....what time is it? SPEEDY: TIME TO ROCK AND ROLL! (Takes out his Ginzu sword and goes into the Cat's Eye Slash sequence) BC: (nervous) USE THE FORCE, LUKE!! SAVE ME!!! JERRY: Relax, Cheesey. This robot is diamond armored. (Sure enough, the Cat's Eye Slash bounces off the robot and fazes out) EVERYONE: (shocked) HOLY COW!! CURTIS: I just remembered something....this robot has 3 layers of diamond armor on it! Seems like we've got our work cut out for us! (Inside...) BC: All right, I've had enough. Let's head for the palace and take it over immediately. JERRY: Ok, but first... (A miniature speaker, too small for anyone else to see, appears on the top of the helmet) JERRY: (pulls a lever) All right, let's go. (The robot starts to lift) CURTIS: (snaps) QUICKLY! TAKE OUT ITS ENGINES! WE DON'T WANT IT ANYWHERE NEAR THE PALACE! (Guido goes into his Ginzu sequence, which I'll name Firebat. The attack takes out an engine at the base of the left foot. The robot quivers, but continues lifting) CURTIS: NOW, POLLY! (Polly goes into her Ginzu sequence [I'll stick with the KNT name "Heart Breaker"]. The attack takes out the second engine on the left foot. The whole robot hovers in mid-air, trembles, then continues rising) CURTIS: TEASY! THE THIRD ENGINE! TEASY: Got it....here's the windup....(his energetic baseball materializes. He rears back)....and the pitch! (Hurls the baseball. The baseball blasts the third engine, which is larger and on the right foot, and the robot crashes to the ground) GB: How fast was that? TEASY: (thinks) I'd say around 400 mph, give or take a few miles. CURTIS: Okay. We've taken out the speakers and the engines. Next are those shells on its sides. GUIDO: What purpose are they for? To make the stormtrooper look stupid? JERRY: (out of a loud-speaker) Think again! (I hate having to do this...) (Suddenly the shells pop open, and daggers start flying. GB takes to the air and goes into his Ginzu sequence, called Worc's Fire. The blast knocks out a shell. Chico gets to the other side and aims his speaker at the shell. The daggers track toward his direction, but a pulsing wave shoots out first. The wave shatters the shell and destroys the dagger cannons.) CURTIS: Now for the....WHOA! (The fan on the robot has clicked on. Everyone struggles, but cannot resist. Blown back, everyone clings to a boulder. Polly is nowhere to be seen) SPEEDY: (frantic) ANY WAY WE CAN GET RID OF THIS ONE? CURTIS: You may be fast, but you're not fast enough to overcome this. Better leave this to me. (Suddenly he dematerializes and disappears. Reappearing behind the fan, he slashes the fan blades until they fall, one by one) Amazing things: claws. SPEEDY: (amazed) WOW. (Everyone drops to the ground and charges toward the robot) GB: How fast did he go? TEASY: Something us Super-Cats have....lightspeed. GUIDO: (mouth drops) Man, how many other surprises to you guys have? CURTIS: (smiles) Not enough. (Neither has the robot. A series of blaster cannons have appeared on the helmet.) CHICO: (glares angrily at the Cats) ALL OF YOU, STAY BACK! THIS ONE'S MINE! (Everyone steps back....just in time as Chico's needle launcher detonates. A LARGE spike pierces the helmet, not giving the cannons on it any time whatsoever to fire. Inside, Quarter, Blackout, Jerry and Seymour dodge out of the way, then abandon ship. The whole robot detonates in a burst of exploding napalm. Chico's launcher rematerializes) GB: I take it that's your finisher? CHICO: (watches Quarter and Blackout run) If you want to call it that, yeah. It's called Vladdie Impaled. (Meanwhile...) BC: THE DEATH STAR HAS CLEARED THE PLANET!! (turns bright red) JERRY: (groans; as Grand Moff Tarkin) You may fire when ready. (BC explodes. Burnt to a crisp, they both land a half mile away.) JERRY: (weakly; points to Little Tokyo and impersonates Darth Vader) Now we will discuss the location of the secret Rebel base....(collapses) (Chico's keyboard, meanwhile, is none the worse for wear. As Chico takes it out, Curtis strolls over to the Cats.) CURTIS: Well, on to the hospital for you guys. I've got money to spend. SPEEDY: Hey, where's Polly? TEASY: I don't see---ooooh, man, that has to hurt. SPEEDY: What...HUH?! (Polly is crouching on the grass, whimpering. Imbedded in her right arm is a brass dagger. On her forehead is a second-degree burn. Her helmet is nowhere to be seen.) CURTIS: No wonder I couldn't see her. (Spots Teasy coming up behind Polly) TEASY, PUT THOSE CYMBALS AWAY!! TEASY: (sulks) I can't have any fun. SPEEDY: (leans close to Polly) Sweetheart, you okay? POLLY: (groans) Outside of the burns, my shattered nerves, and this dagger, I'm okay. CURTIS: Just be thankful that those daggers just draw countless pain....and the fact that you're part cat, part mechanical. (Polly suddenly cringes. She looks up at Curtis and scowls) CURTIS: (gives her an innocent look) What did I say? (No response) CURTIS: (shrugs) Come on. Let's go before it gets worse. (Scene cuts over to the local hospital. Teasy, GB, and the 3 Cats are getting treatment for burns. Chico and Curtis, standing off to a side, are chatting quietly.) CURTIS: So, Chico, what time is it? CHICO: (glances off to a wall) 4:30pm. 2 1/2 hours until the concert. Think they'll make it? CURTIS: Yeah, I--- (Polly, with a bandaged arm and a bandaged forehead, walks up to them) POLLY: Have you seen my helmet anyplace? I haven't seen it since the big brawl against the Soundwave Shocker. CHICO: (mutters under his breath) CURTIS: We must have lost it at the field.... TEASY: (walks up to them, a bag of ice on his arm) I remember vaguely swinging and hitting something when those sound waves had us under Quarter's control. POLLY: Yeah, and I think I remember taking it off when the waves got too intense.... CHICO: Which means.... CURTIS: (groans) Yep, it's back at the battlefield. (Suddenly, loud explosions ensue, blasting open the door) CURTIS: (eyes widen) Uh-oh....the most feared creature in all the earth has arrived.... (A familiar figure appears, wiping tears from her eyes) EVERYONE: LUCILLE! POLLY: (turns to Curtis angrily) THE MOST FEARED CREATURE IN ALL THE EARTH?? SPEEDY: Curtis, Lucille may get mad and blow her top every now and then, but it's not enough to earn her that title. CURTIS: (shrugs) Okay, so I decided to exaggerate. No big deal, Cherry-Head and Tortoise-Brain, but a ram---a ram, mind you--that comes equipped with eight dozen ballistic curler missiles should be enough to make just about anyone stop and think. POLLY: (shakes a fist) Allow me to get my point across, mister.... TEASY: One small problem with that. CURTIS: POLLY: (turns to Teasy) Oh, yeah? What's that? TEASY: YOU'RE POINTLESS NOW!! (laughs) LUCILLE: (smiles) Hey, not bad. CURTIS: (same) Teasy, you're a natural. CHICO: (same) Good work, bro. POLLY: (mockingly) Yeah, nice job. If he cracks one more joke, I'll send him flying into Mount Coochie. TEASY: Okay, I'll crack one....like an egg. (Polly swings viciously at him, but he dodges easily as Polly's bandaged arm emits a reminder of her own. Moaning, she props herself against the wall.) CURTIS: That reminds me. (smiles) Does anyone here happen to know what kind of music I listened to during the majority of the battle this afternoon? SPEEDY: (walks over) What DID you listen to? CURTIS: You'd be surprised. The Pointless Sisters. POLLY: (surprised) You LIKE our music? Now I've heard everything. CURTIS: I'm not impartial to anything except opera, rap, and heavy metal. Oh, and speaking of music....(gestures toward Chico) CHICO: Will you guys be able to attend that concert in front of the palace? I got more people to go, including Lucille, Wally, Empress Frieda, the Rescue Team, and a few others. LUCILLE: (turns toward Chico) A few others....? CHICO: Ten thousand. And let's leave it at that. TEASY: What about the guest of honor? CHICO: Guest of....? Oh, Francine. (everyone looks at him in shock) CHICO: Hey, I asked her, and she excepted. Pure and simple. She had been sulking earlier, complaining that she wasn't invited, so I decided to cheer her up. LUCILLE: (excited) This is going to be good! Oh, man, I can hardly wait! (The tension becomes too high for Lucille to hold, and her missile racks pop open) SPEEDY: (mutters to Curtis) Rebel base in range.... CURTIS: (mutters back; as Han Solo) Blow this thing so we can go home... (Missiles fly out everywhere, turning the whole room into a shambles and turning the Cats into toast, making the situation worse. A missile detonates near Curtis, turning HIM into toast) CURTIS: (from the floor; sarcastically) Wonderful! What a wonderful place to do this! INSIDE A HOSPITAL!!! That just means more money to spend, and I haven't even gotten my paycheck from Big Al yet! (Gets up and grabs Teasy's bag of ice) POLLY: What? CURTIS: You heard right; I'm Al's second-in-command. Hired me this morning after the chunk of that chair that I punched almost flattened Princess Vi. GUIDO: (walks over, his head bandaged and his right arm in a sling) I imagine Vi wasn't too thrilled. CURTIS: (smirks) She tried to send me to Prisoner Island. From the looks of things, though, I must've been the only one to resist. To rub it in, right before I installed Al's new computer, I called her "The Sweet Strawberry of Terror". (tsk tsk tsk) Even at THAT age, it's not good to get high blood pressure. (Everyone laughs) CHICO: Well, if anyone doesn't mind, I'm going to go set things up. CURTIS: (smiles) Well, go on ahead. I'll join you in a few minutes. (Time switch: The concert. The palace [Did I forget to tell you? The place got rebuilt in just 7 months!] looms in the background, casting a shadow over the crowd that has gathered. Down below is a large stage, complete with the keyboard, 6 large speakers, 2 guitars, and a set of drums. Everything is here, except for one cat: Chico. Over at one end, Lucille is seated with her brother, Wally, and the 3 Pizza Cats. Francine and Curtis are seated at the other end, chatting.) Curtis: (wraps a blanket around himself) Man, it's windy out there! Good thing this is an outdoor concert, though. Francine: (does likewise) Uh-huh. So, you said those guys going against the Pizza Cats are called the Animal Legion of Doom, or something like that? Curtis: Yeah. On an average of every couple months, they construct a hydrogen or nuclear bomb and try to destroy one of Earth's major cities. I've been fighting them the whole time I've been a Super-Cat, and I haven't gotten any rest YET. But sooner or later, they'll have to face MY power, and not the military's. (pounds his fists on the ground) Ooooh boy, I can't wait for THAT day. (Over at the other end, there are several loud booms. A pair of missiles streak from Lucille's missile set and head towards Curtis.) Curtis: (panicking) YI-YI-YI!! RAM MISSILES AT 3 O'CLOCK!!! (The wind, which has reached its high point, blows the missiles away. They continue to carry until they explode a safe distance from the concert.) Curtis: (wipes his brow) Whew. Close call. What do you think, Fran? (No answer.) Curtis: Francine? (No answer. Curtis looks at Francine; both eyes are wide open, stuck in place. She is still shivering in fright.) Curtis: (shrugs) Huh! (Just then, a spotlight hits center stage, and out steps Chico, a pair of sunglasses on his face. He grabs hold of the microphone and speaks.) Chico: Good evening, everyone. Care for a little music? (The crowd cheers, and Chico sits down on a computer chair [!]. After cracking his knuckles and saying something about "Lasting Days", he begins playing. As the music plays, it fades out, just like the screen. [Just so you know, I have a song with the same name, and it's available if you want it!]) (The screen brightens again, this time within a small, dark room not long afterward. Moonlight is shining through a window. Quarter is on top of a small bed, thinking about something. After a few minutes, he picks up a cell phone and dials a number.) Quarter: (pauses for a second) Hello? Yeah, there's something I need to talk to you about...... (Quarter's conversation fades from hearing as the screen fades to black) One more story finished. Here's a preview of what is up next. The third Rad-cat, Daniel, has challenged several of the worlds greatest racecar drivers. He'll have to change his agenda, because Quarter has stolen the Pizza Cats' Ginzu weapons and has given them to some mythological creations! Look out, everyone, it's time to rumble, in.... # 3 Black Flagged Address is supreme_cat@hotmail.com, so you can send me E-mail whenever you want. (As long as its not hate mail. If it is, then you'll see how I get mad.) My old Crbcats address @ aol.com is no longer in use. Just so you guys know. G.A. Wildcat