T'WAS THE NIGHT OF MY COMA... PART ONE: BY KAT* Narrator: Since nothing worthwhile is happening at Pizza Cat Headquarters, we begin scene one at Mount Koochi where we are focusing on Guru Lou's secret laboratory where something sneaky and fiendish no doubt is taking PLACE!...And hopefully interesting otherwise scene one is going to be pathetic! Guru: One drop of this red stuff and...YES! Finally my lives work is complete! Now I'm irresistible! N: This jabbering ninny is obviously desperate for a date on Saturday night... Guru: You think your so smart don't you! Well it just so happens that I'm devising a potion... N: (bored) Anyway, as we return to the Pizza Cat's............ Guru: (interrupting) WHICH WILL make girls find you hard to resist at the first look at you, no matter how boring, stupid or overweight you are. Of course it's known to cause hair growth in strange places and leprosy.... N: Are you done? Guru: (annoyed) Yes! N: Wonderful! We will return to fatty here later. Let's see what our heroes the Pizza Cats, are up to. It looks like they have just received a letter of some kind. I doubt it's fan mail, I only get that. Fran: (reading the note) We are proud to announce that you have been selected to be a guest at Princess Vi's annual Little Tokyo Ball and.........OH MY GOD! Speedy, Guido and Polly: Are you okay Francine? Fran: That spoilt little brat finally decided to ask us to her stupid Ball for snobs. This is the greatest day of my life! Speedy: (histerical) Your kidding? (reads the invitation) She's not KIDDING! I get to go I get to go I get to go I get to go I get to go! Guido: (slaps him on the head) Oh shut up! Polly: That's great! I guess I don't have to brutally murder that brat tonight after all! Guido: Vi's never invited us before, why do you think she avoided us all these years? Speedy: Ah, she's just jealous of our award winning acting performances. Polly: (dazing) And our cute looks..... Guido: (smiling) Our charm..... Fran: Don't forget our 50% profit on all pizza cat merchandise! All: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! Fran: This is my chance to win back Bucky! I'm sure he will be there. Oh wouldn't it be romantic! Speedy: (rolling his eyes) More like the grossest thing this century... Polly: Why she would ever want to get back with her x-boyfriend I'll never know.. Speedy: I agree. And the payment for cameos comes out of our salary's! Guido: I heard deer is bad for your arteries.. Polly: That's only if you eat it, twit! Guido: Oh, and what's Fran doing? Polly: (speaking very slowly) Dating it.. Guido: (shocked) How can she date food?! (Al appears at the intercom.) Al: AHEM.. All: What's up Big Al? Al: It's been brought to my attention that you received an invitation today from the Palace. (Pizza Cat's nod in joy) We're so excited! Al: Well it seems that something has come up. Princess Vi later decided today that you would be more useful as guards and waiters then guests, so sorry to get your hopes up but an orders an order. All: (Eyes pop out of their heads) WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fran: (trying to contain her breath) But I have to go to that PARTY!!! You don't understand I have to.....well.....you.....see........I'd see him........and he's there and............well......my only.........chance.....to.....ah......I'M GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!! Polly: (pushes Francine on the floor) How dare she! That stupid little cheap shiii.......p, ah yes! Stupid little cheap ship! (?) Guido: And I really wanted to take Luciel.. Speedy: You mean I really wanted to take Luciel!!! Al: I'm terribly sorry but Princess Vi has insisted, now I must go the tennis is starting.... Speedy: But Big Al!! Al: Oh I almost forgot! For your efforts you will be able to stay overnight at the Palace and the rooms include a hot tub, king sized bed and mini bar. Guido, Polly & Fran: OOOOOO! Mini bar! Al: Complete with cable! Guido, Polly & Fran: (joyful) WOOHOOO! Speedy: (whining) BUT BIG AL!!!!! Al: Oh shut up Speedy, what ever it is it can't be more important then Wimbeldon! (Al disappears) Speedy: Come back! I'm not through whining at you!!! Polly: Speedy don't worry, at least we get to spend the night at the Palace. Guido: Yeah and it has a mini bar! I'm talking bags and bags of free peanuts! Fran: And hours and hours of free CABLE!! And the SHOPPING CHANNEL!! Narrator: But Speedy's mind was elsewhere and where ever it was it was not happy.... Polly: (scared) Ah, Speedy you look a little red... Guido: (concerned) And that steam coming out of your ears that's not a good sign buddy.. Fran: (worried) I hope he didn't have curry again last night.. Speedy: (looking victorious) THAT'S IT! NOW IT'S PERSONAL............ (Polly Tosses a bucket of water on his head) Polly: That will put that fire out for now... Speedy: (annoyed) You could of just offered me a glass of water Narrator: Speedy's blood pressure was definitely on a dangerous level so we may as well turn our attention to the Palace where the preparation for the Ball is taking place, and that high pitched screaming you can here is non other then the cheery Princess Vi! Vi: Like they didn't know. N: It looks like she is spending her time bossing decorators around and perfection must be dealt with care! Vi: (Yelling) I thought I told you to put the pinnate in the corner over there, hey you I said purple not green, PURPLE what interior decorating school did you flunk out of! I'm sending you to prisoner island, and you, and you to!!! Vi's servant: Your hinas if we keep sending people to prisoner island there won't be anymore actors left in the series! Vi: Who cares as long as I'm in the spotlight it's not really an issue is it! Vi's servant: But Princess Vi...... Vi: SILENCE! I don't get paid to listen to your opions! You'll just have to spend the rest of your life on prisoner island until you learn some manners!!! Fred: FAR-RED!! N: What a dramatic scene! Big Cheese seems to be cheesy enough though because like every year for the Ball this two timing rotten scheming rat minded villain who has a reputation for causes masses of horrible and costly destruction over Little Tokyo,...... makes strawberry punch! BC: The finest strawberry punch in all of Little Tokyo! I think everyone should have a hobby don't you? Jerry: Yes but couldn't you do something more practical like stamp collecting or building model planes? BC: And I suppose choir lessens for 20 years is practical!!! Jerry: (blushing) Cheesy I told you that's a secret.......besides it's an old family tradition and I'm to old to have my own life. BC: Whatever. Besides princess Vi can't get enough of this stuff and I have to get on her good side. She's not going to be impressed when she finds out I borrowed her chap stick.. Jerry: Borrowed? BC: Okay stolen! I'm not a saint I'm an over worked criminal! Jerry: Your going to put me in a retirement home now aren't you (sobbing) BC: Well the thought did cross my mind but I figured you might be useful.. Jerry: Let me guess, you need me to help you create a sinister plot to crash the Ball? BC: No I don't think we will be doing that this time.. Jerry: WHAT? but we always get to be the party poopers! BC:(dreamy) I know but this year I just want to have fun like the olden days. Don't you remember Jerry when we used to go on picnics into the meadows, and sing songs and..... Jerry: (disgusted) CHEESY! Stop yanking my chain!!!! BC: (upset) Well EXCUSE ME if I want to frolic down memory lane all I'm saying is the only thing we are going to do this year is make delicious punch, OKAY! Jerry: He always gets his way I just hate that! His mother never taught him about discipline! Narrator: Well Jerry's contract does say he's the criminal sidekick. It's his life to be walked all over. And besides that, nothing much happened between the present and the party except Speedy is wacko, Polly stepped on Francine's tail but didn't mind and Guido got stung by a bee, we may as well skip the many hours to when everyone is arriving in suits and gowns for the night of a life time, well almost everyone. Here come the four happy souls now... Polly: The thing I really hate about being a Pizza Cat is all these community service hours that keep popping up! Guido: (frowning) Can you believe we are bringing champagne? We're not even formally invited! And I was saving this for my bachelor party next Sunday! Polly: But your not getting married.. Guido:(smiling) So what. That never stopped me from having a bachelor party every Sunday... Francine: Al insisted that if we want to keep our jobs we have to bring some kind of food or drink. Polly: (bored) We should of bought a packet of tic tacs. Speedy: (whispering) Revenge is mine, revenge.. Fran: There go my chances with Bucky. I can't let him see me in this daggy waitress uniform. Guido: I know you like a penguin. Fran: Shut up! Speedy: (getting louder) Revenge is mine, MINE!! Guido: I think Speedy is sick, there is something not quite normal about repeating "revenge, revenge!" Fran: Maybe he's auditioning for a new role as a homicidal maniac in a new thriller or something. Polly: Get out of town! Fran: Yeah your right he's just an idiot. N: Mmmmmm, I don't know why where shooting this next scene at the silent, dark side of the palace, nothing but vines and dirt and..........wait a minute an eerie looking shadow has appeared. Strange shadow: Heheheheh I'm a genies, pure genies! I deserve the Nobel Prize! N: You can't even get yourself an Emmy! It's non other then crazy desperate Guru Lou carrying a beaker. Doing our lab work outside today Lou? Guru: Quiet you! My plan is so complex it will take ages for your mind to contain the capacity to figure it out. N: Your planing to sneak into the Palace, spike the strawberry punch with your love potion so beautiful girls will fall in love with you at the Ball which you are not invited to because of your odor and because you look drop dead ugly in a tux. Lou: (silent for a moment) Well nobody likes a smart ass......and I do not stink! It's just a rumor! N: Please they could smell you in Mars. If you really want woman to take an interest in you try bathing. Moving right along, the Pizza Cat's have entered the Palace. Polly: Can you please chew your gum with your mouth closed or I will personally chew you myself ! Guido: Now that sounds like fun... Polly: Grrr! (hit's him on the head with a frying pan) Speedy:(looking evil) "Sweet, sweet revenge" Francine: Polly why did you bring a frying pan with you? Polly: Don't ask questions.. Speedy: (shouting) "REVENGE !" Francine, Polly and Guido:(frustrated) Enough with REVENGE ! Al: (appearing behind them) Well it's nice to see the four of you have arrived HALF AN HOUR LATE!!!!! Guido: But you said 6:00! See look at my watch it says 6:00pm, no kidding. Al: (trying to remain calm) Guido when the little hand and the big are pointing to the number 6 it is 6:30, not 6:00! Okay..... Guido: (scratching his head) Are you sure cause I thought...... Al: (annoyed) LOOK, your just lucky Vi didn't find out otherwise you would all be pushing boulders on Prisoner Island by now. Fran: (sarcastic) Well we're sorry about being late sir, I mean we were soooooo looking forward to helping the wonderful and lovely Princess Vi on this night of all nights..... Al: I'm happy to see you take your work very seriously Francine. Maybe I should put you on the list for the after party clean up crew. Fran: (alarmed) WHAT!! (Guido blows a bubble and it explodes all over his face) Al: Guido are you chewing gum? Guido: (looking innocent) No sir. N: After 15 minuets of hard scrubbing with soap and water to remove the sticky stuff stuck to Guidos face, our heroes were assigned with their jobs: Guido, Polly and Speedy were sent to work in the newly built security room for security reasons, and Francine is doing glamorous work as a waitress serving hors d'oeuves all by her little herself! Fran: You just had to rub it in... N: Did I mention you looked like a penguin? Fran: (upset) Go away! I had to listen to that one ten times already! N: Well there are better things to look at. Princess Vi is about to announce the opening speech from the outside stage as she is surrounded by a large busy crowd of guests and you just might happen to see the B-team, Mother and Junior, Big Cheese, Bad Bird, Fred, Empress Freda, Speedy........SPEEDY! What are you doing here! The script says very clearly in this scene Speedy is suppose to be in the security room! Speedy: (looking sinister) REVENGE! N: I see....... The writers have really put some imagination in your lines. Still I wonder what he's up to..... Vi: EVERYBODY SHUT UP and welcome to this years Ball so happy you could join us. The main highlight, apart from me, is our magnificent collection of wine and champagne from around the world which cost thousands so you BETTER DAMN ENJOY IT! And we hope you like it! So don't waste, have a taste! N: What a loon! Speaking of loons I can see Guru Lou hovering over the secluded large table of Princess Vi's expensive beverages. Guru: SSHH! You fool this is where my plan comes to a climax! See this red bottle that smells like burning tar, this is my ticket to paradise! And to make sure nothing goes wrong I can't let a soul see me not a single.......uh oh (Guru ducks behind a chair but leaves the potion on the table) Speedy: (who suddenly appeared) Well, well! Princess Vi's precious beverages! Wouldn't it be terrible if they all just, disappeared all of a sudden. It would be such a waste....... (Speedy pulls out a garbage bag) Speedy: I'll shove all these bottles into this bag and drink them myself! I'll show her what happens when you mess with Speedy Eugene Cerviche's social life!! N: Your middle name is Eugene?! Wait until I tell everyone this! Speedy: Well I guess I'll just drink this bottle of scotch for the road! (Guzzles down the drink) And dip some in this punch. That outta give it a kick... Guru: (from behind the chair) ACHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Speedy: (turns around) Who's there show yourself! Guru:(pops up from behind the chair) Hehe hi there Speedy! How are you tonight? Speedy: (Hiding the garbage bag behind his back) Ah.......... I'm fine Lou, ah and you? Guru: (Sweating) Oh I'm fine, nothing suspicious going on around here, right? Speedy: Right! Sure absolutely nothing. Just admiring Vi's selection of drinks there's quite a few hehe... Guru: (clearing his throat) Yes what a........nice bunch......of.....ah.........drinks they are! Speedy: (slowly walking away) Yeah well.......I'd better......go now. It was nice talking to you bye bye! (runs off) Guru: Phew! That kids never been to bright. He didn't suspect a thing. Now, back to business, where's that potion........mmmmm where is it.....WHERE IS IT! Oh dear... N: I might as well inform you that Speedy has collected all the bottles off the table for his own personal use and has already spiked the punch. Guru: With the potion? N: No with good old alcohol. Guru: I have to find him! Who knows what could happen if it falls into the wrong hands? Why if worst comes to worst, just about ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN?????? TO BE CONTINUED