CHASING POLLY. BY KAT* N: Just another typical day at the Pizza Parlor! OH! That is except for Speedy.. Speedy: ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *SNIFF* Fran:(holding a spoon to his face) More chicken soup Speedy? Speedy: Gee Francine if I have anymore chicken soup I'll lay an EGG! Fran:(not amused) Oh Speedy! Don't be so STUBBORN! Your not two years OLD! Speedy: How can you be so sure? (tieing a bib to his neck) THERE!! I could pass for TWO! Give me a rattle... N:(amused) I'm convinced! Fran: GGGGRRRR!! (shuving a spoonfull of soup in his mouth) There you go BABY! Now swallow.... SWALLOW....Speedy I'm not leaving until you SWALLOW! (Speedy shakes head immaturally) Fran:(looking deceptive) Now Speedy, if you don't swallow your soup you won't be able to play with Luciel this afernoon..! Speedy:(after a long thought,Speedy swallows unhappily)...YUCK! THIS IS TORTURE!! Guido help ME!! Guido:(reading the newspaper) Your sick Speedy, you gotta pay the price! (Al appears over the intercom) All: What's up Big Al? Al: Nothing really. Just cheking up on your work productivity. Things down here at the Palace are pretty quiet... Guido:(mocking) How can a Palace be so QUIET when Vi's living there.. Al: Actually Guido shes been excitingly calm since she came down with that dreded flu everyone's getting lately, even Big Cheese is down. And I see Speedy is a victum as well.. Speedy: (sarcastic) REALLY! Well my goodness, WHO NEW!!? Thankyou for TELLING ME I had no IDEA!! *SNIFF* I need a tissue! Fran: Ignor him Al, he's been going through mood swings ever since we put him on that medication. And whats worse, Polly hasn't been at work for days! Guido: Yeah! Where is that girl? I've been doing double shifts.. Al: Of course she hasn't been to work! With all that packing shes been doing and... Fran: (interrupting) Packing!?? Guido: What, shes going on a vaction!!?? Speedy: With out ME!!????(blowing his nose) Al: Havn't you heard? All: (annoyed) NO!! Al: Polly quit! She's moving out of her house. Infact she's leaving the country all together, I believe her plane leaves this coming Sunday, heading to LA I think....what?...why are you all staring at me like that! She didn't tell YOU?!! Fran: Well it would appear that WAY!! Speedy: She, she quit...? (about to sneeze) Ah...ahhh..ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Oh NO...(looking sad)...FRANCINE!!!! Fran: WHAT! What's the matter.... Speedy:(whining) I...I...*SNIFF*.. sneezed a pile of.. snot in my SOUP!! (begins to cry uncontrollingly) WAAAAAHAHAHA! It's all sticky, HELP ME!! Fran:(Wiping his face with a tissue) Oh...Speedy! See Al?! Just LOOK at what the medication is doing to Speedy's hormones!! He's a weeping willow.... N: I prefer "wimpy baby"! Al:(uninterested, stares at Guido) Guido is there something wrong?? Guido: (pacing the room) You mean shes gone? Just like that?.... Al: Don't worry Guido! Will get a replacement... Guido: (face to face with the intercom) A replacement? You can't get a REPLACEMENT FOR POLLY ESTER!! That's like trying to replace GINGER SPICE FROM THE SPICE GIRLS!!!?? It's absolutaley IMPOSSIBLE!!! Fran: And it destroys popularity, not to mention PROFITS!! Al: I'm sorry! But I'm afraid it's not my place to stop someone if they want to leave. Polly's reasons are her own. Fran: Well what was her reason? How could she just leave and not tell US! Her friends? Not to mention the contract... Al: (shrugging) She never told me. Just said she had to leave as soon as possible, it was none of my buisness. (distracted) Oh! I have to go! Princess Vi seems to be getting her voice back, she wants another hot water bottle and a cup of espresso...(cuts of the air) Guido:(bangs his fist on the screen) It's not FAIR!! How could she do THAT! (Walks out of the Parlor in a huff) Speedy: (crying like a baby) waaaAh...HAHAHWAAH! Guido's ANG-W-EY AT ME!!! Fran: (comforting him) No he's not...he's just upset about Polly! He's not angry at you..! (off the subject) That medication is taking a turn for the worst! You've become defensless and stupified... N: I know, nothings changed. Speedy: (Sobbing and drooling) Well..*SOB*...Polly *SNIFF* left because OF ME!! IT'S MY FAULT!! WAHAHA!! I miss her SO..! Fran: (feeling sorry for him) Oh Speedy...what could you have done to make her leave? Speedy:(uspset) I...*SNIFF*....sold her pink *SNIFF* flute thingy..to..to that guy...in THAT TRUCK!!! And..she called me PICLKLEHEAD!!! Fran: Ah..Speedy that was almost ten episodes ago, remember? The episode "Polly's Magical Flute?" You got it back and she forgave you.. Speedy: (confused) Ten episodes ago..really? Fran: (Sigh) Lie down Speedy, before you give yourself a head rush. Your not the reason Polly left.. Speedy: (sucking his thumb) I'm not?? *SNIFF* Fran: (holding his hand) No! And Guido's not taking it very well, I've havn't seen him this upset since Baywatch went of the air... N: The next day, after the Cat's recieved the disturbing news, things looked pretty normal on the outside, but on the inside was a differant story.. (At Luciel's restaurant) Luciel: (cheery as always) Hi Guido!! Something the matter? Your not paying your usual attention to me! Guido: (sitting down at one of the restautant tables facing away from her)..Nothing..sorry Luciel. Luciel: No need to be sorry for yourself! I'm just suprised to see you so green! N: Not green, BLUE! As in sad!? Read your script again! Or the dictionary...! Luciel: (giggles) Ooops! Silly me! (sniffing the air) Is that smoke?? Guido:(turns around to reveal two cigratettes clenched in his mouth) It's probably me.... Luciel:(shocked) GUIDO! (pulls them out of his mouth) How could you do that to yourself!! Think of your health!!.....And this is a non-smoking AREA..! Guido:(shaking) I don't know what's HAPPENING TO ME!!? I'm so tense... Luciel: I'll say! You havn't smoked for almost two years. You must be really sad...do you want the number of my therapist?? Guido:(upset) No thanks, I couldn't afford one right now. I spent all my tip money on a ten pack of smokes!! I'm LOOSING IT!! Luciel:(concerned) Well you need to talk to someone about your problems, if you don't you might burst! Guido: (as if lighting just struck his brain) I'VE GOT IT!! The Pizza Cat's spiritual adviser!! Of COURSE!! Luciel: Hogan the wonder cat? Guido: No the other one.. Luciel: Oprah? Guido: NO! GURU LOU!! He'll tell me what to do, and he doesn't cost a thing!! (running off) Thanks Luciel!! luciel: (waving) BYE BYE! I hope you get healed! N: So, in a desperate need to grasp his spirituality, Guido set off to Guru Lou's place.. Guido: (knocking on Guru's door) Let ME IN!! I NEED SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE!! Guru: (opening the door a touch) What's the password....? Guido: (fed up) Come on LOU!! Give a guy a break!!? I just walked all the way from Little TOKYO!! Guru:(whispeirng) It's "twinkee"...! Guido: (confused) Huh?? Guru: I said it's "TWINKEE!" Guido: What? "Twinkee?" Guru: Dats' the PASSWORD! Come right on in my lost friend! (opening the door) Welcome to my humble home! (suddenly distracted) Guido, are you smoking?? Guido:(looking innocent) Maybe.... Guru:(sigh) Oh dear!....Why don't you come and sit down over here..(points to a chair) Guido:(sitting down) Thanks Lou. I was wondering if you could whip up a potion or something, you know to get me back on my feet? Guru: (looking inquesitve)Mmmm...well first let's get to the root of your problem, shall we. Now! What symptoms do you have? Well I can judge that! (thinking) You've started smoking, the sags under eyes tell me your not getting any sleep and finally, your look pretty frail which means your not eating! Guido:(sarcastic) My God! It's as if you've know me all my LIFE! Guru:(not amused) Well, theres another symptom right there! Your also really grumpy. NOW! Hows about a question!? When did all these syptoms start to occur? Guido:(thinking back) I guess...I only just started smoking yesterday.. Guru: Well here comes an obvious question, what happened YESTERDAY??! Guido:(stuttering) Well...I was down at the parlor..when Al..ah..told us some news.... Guru: Go on Guido, let it aaaall out... Guido: Well I don't know if this is my problem or not......Polly's quiting the Samurai Pizza Cat's...and she's moving far away.. Guru:(understands) AH HA! You miss her! Guido:(unsure) Well...ah..I don't know..maybe a little...but Guru: Well Guido, I think we've found the root of your problem in...(looking at his watch)..well what do you know, the first FIVE MINUETES!! That's a new record! Guido: (not convinced) Oh REALLY! And what's my problem then.....? Guru:(with a devilish smile) Well to put it one way......(starts singing) "Love is in the air...." Guido: (confused) WHAT?! N: (joining in) "Everywhere I look around........" Guru: (still singing) "Love is in the air, every sight and every sound..........." TOGETHER NOW! Guru, Narrator: (music comes on in the backround) "AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'M BEING FOOLISH! DON'T KNOW IF I'M BEING WISE! BUUUUUUUT....... Guido:(cutting them off in pain) Oh GOD! PLEASE STOP! Your trying to manipulate me! Guru: OH! So you fell inlove with Polly! It happens to the best of us! Guido: WHA..., WHAT! INLOVE!!?? How could this have happened? Guru: EASY! Your male shes female, birds and the bees, all that junk! Guido: (unimpressed) That's not what I meant! What I meant to say is, how could somebody like ME fall inlove with POLLY! All she does is choke me, or hit me with a frying pan or throw heavy objects at ME!! Guru: Exactly! Guido:(even more confused) You know...for someone who's suppose to be helping me....your MAKING THINGS WORSE!! Guru: Just stating the obvious! I'll explain, IN ENGLISH...ahem! Havn't you heard of "two opposits attracting?" All your depressed about is Polly leaving you before you could make a move. It's as simple as that! Guido: (in denial) That's a bunch of BALONIE! Guru:..is it? Guido:( Trying to make a level headed judgement) I guess when you spend so much time with a person...I've never felt this way about anyone..your right Lou. That's it, I miss her. I've got feelings Polly.. Guru:(gazing) You know what I'de do now.. Guido: No, but I'm sure you'll tell me.. Guru: (standing proudly) I'de RUN TO THAT AIRPORT!! Find her and CONFESS MY LOVE, TAKE HER IN MY ARMS ang give her a great BIG.. N:(Completely horrified) EWW! STOP IT STOP IT! Your making me SICK!! YUCK!! And I just ate a piece of coffee cake! Guido: (downcast) It's no use Lou, Polly would never go for me. She likes Speedy... Guru: FORGET ABOUT SPEEDY!! Theres not much time! You gotta get you tail down to the airport before she boards!! Didn't her plane leave today? It's Sunday!! N: How did YOU know all that? Guru: I read the script in advance, NOSEY! Guido: (sad) Shes probably already gone.. Guru: (frustrated) GUIDO!(smaking him on the head) GET CONFIDENT, STUPID!! N: Well that's encouraging... Gudio: (rubbing his head) Geez, what the hell was that FOR!? Guru: If you don't go now you'll loose her forever! You'll never SLEEP OR EAT AGAIN!! YOU'LL SMOKE TWENTY PACKS OF CIGARETTES A DAY!! Guido: (standing up) Your RIGHT..I know what I gotta do! Thanks for inspiring me!!! Guru: (smiling) Good boy! Now get out of here before you do something stupid... (Lou watches Guido dissapear over the horizon) Guru: I'll tell you something...you never know what you got till you don't have it anymore... N:(sarcastic) Good for you Lou! Your the next Riki Lake!! Guru:(annoyed) You REALLY know how to spoil a moment don't YOU! (Back at the Pizza Parlor) Francine:(putting the phone on the hook) I've called and called and called some MORE!! I just can't get in touch with her. She's not at her home, not at her sisters, NO WHERE!! What could possibly make Polly want to leave to AMERICA??!! Speedy: (thunderstruck) FRANCINE!!! I've....I've figured it ALL OUT!! Francine: (annoyed) Figured what out Speedy..... Speedy: Why I'm SICK!! The mood swings..the vomitting..it all adds up! Francine: (waiting for it)...yes? Speedy: Francine, I..I think I'm PREGNANT!! What do you think? Francine: (fed up) THAT'S IT!! We're taking you off that medication RIGHT NOW!! I don't care what the doctor says. I'll take you to a natropath, get some nice herbel medication... Speedy: (tranced) I'm gonna be mummy....! (All of a sudden, Guido comes gliding through the front door) Francine: (joyful) GUIDO!! I've been so worried! Are you okay? Guido: Not really Francine. But I think I know a way I can be....do you think you could launch me off to the airport? Francine: I guess that wouldn't be a problem, why? HUH!! (suddenly upset) Your not thinking of leaving too are you?? You can't leave me here with...with that THING!! (points to Speedy) Guido: (laughing) No! I wouldn't do that! I'm just going to STOP a plane from taking off, that's all! I should be home by dinner time... Speedy: (who suddenly realizes Guido entered the room) GUIDO!! Hey, how are you! OH!! Guess what, I'm gonna have a BABY!! Isn't GLORIOUS!! Guido: (looks at Francine oddly) Did he just say what I think he said? Francine: (shaking her head) It's a hormone thing... Guido: (amused) HEY SPEEDY!! Who's the father??!! HUH? Francine: (pushing him in the oven) GUIDO! Stop that! Speedy's already confused enough..... (Cut to Guido airborn) Mama-sun: (day-dreamy) AAAAHHH young love! It's nice to see it still exhists in todays young people! (looking up at Guido) GO TO HER GUIDO!! FLY! FLY! Junior: Hey Ma, where did that line come from anyway? N: The writers probably copied it out of a trashy romance novel... Junior: It sucks.. N: Well, we have cued to the airport scene where planes of many are the only things souring through the skies.....except for one unidentified flying object...is it a BIRD??....is it a PLANE?? NO!... It's a Samurai Pizza Cat who's about to collide with a very LARGE POLE....! Guido: (afraid) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *SMASH* ouch....... N: Maybe we should buy Francine contact lensens this Christmas?! Guido: (hurt) Sure anything to improve her aim.. N: Meanwhile, inside the airport at the boarding gates.... Polly: (speaking very loudly and clearly) LISTEN TO ME... "I" NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS TERMINAL! IT IS AN E-M-E-R-G-E-N-C-E-Y!! Woman behind the desk: (speaking in some foreign language) AHKHSIUD HIDHIF SHFKH ISDHI IDHLSH??? Polly: (Tired) I'LL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT!!! Woman: AHDIHOHF HFIHS HFIH? N: While Polly is in desperate need of a translator, our gallant hero Guido searches the airport inside-out... Guido: (At the baggage terminal speaking to a clerk) She's about this high, great big blue eyes.. ..ah..thin...loud voice...you havn't seen her? Clerk: I am sorry, but I can't help you unless you know what plane she's leaving on.. Guido: (stressed) Well you see that's just it! She might be already gone...but she was leaving on a plane to LA I think... Clerk: Ah yes! A plane leaves on a non-stop trip to LA in about (checking his watch)....four minutes..! Guido: (sweating) FOUR MINUETES?!! Damn! I need a cigarette..... N: Back to Polly... Manager: I'm terribly sorry Miss...but this boarding pass is not registered. I'm afraid we cannot let you pass.... Polly: (furious, pulls managers collar) I don't think you know who I am...I! AM POLLY ESTER!! Don't you DARE MESS WITH ME WHEN I'M THIS FRAGILE!!!! Manager: (weakening) Okay...I guess we can let a, lovely young lady like yourself on the plane... PLEASE right this way!! (with a cheesy grin) Polly: That's more like it! (realises the time) OH CRAP!! My plane leaves in one MINUTE!! Guido: OH CRAP!! Her plane leaves in one MINUTE!! And I still havn't found her! N: Guido, who is God knows where! Doesn't realise the smartest thing to do would be to go to t he boarding gates.... Guido: What was that? N: The boarding gates? Where the planes take off? Guido: Hey! That's not a bad idea! But where...(searches around, looking lost) N: OH! Do I have to think of everything!? You take a right down that hall on your left then go up the stairs and it's on your right...capeesh? Guido: Cabbage! N: Not cabbage stupid!.. "capeesh..." Guido: And you think I'm stupid?!..(runs off) N: After a long search, Guido fianlly reaches the boarding gates. Now he has the fun of figuring out which which gate is the right one... Guido: (joyful) Gate 71!! THAT'S IT! That's the one going to LA!! N: That was quick! Guido: Hey! Soemtimes I even amaze myself. (out of breath, arrives at the gate door) Now...where is she..where..where (suddenly looks out the near by window in horror) OH NO! Not now!! The plane can't leave yet....!! Woman: (concerned) I'm sorry sir, but this plane boarded early two minutes ago... Guido: (desperate) But I have to get on that plane.....she can't GO!! Woman: Do you have a ticket sir? Guido: No, is that important..? Woman: I'm afraid so..sorry.(walks off) Guido: (paced against the window as he watches the plane head towards the runway) Yeah, I'm sorry too...looks like I screwed things up again...*SNIFF* (Guido places himself sadly on a near by chair next to an old man..) Guido: (upset) Well who was I kidding?! I could of had her any time I wanted...she was right there infront of me! (turns to the old man)..I'm an idiot! And God's punishing me!! Do yourself a favour and don't EVER fall inlove with anybody...! You just get left behind... Old man: (scared) Do I know you sonny? (Suddenly, a familier voice is heard close by) Polly: I HATE transport services!! Guido: Polly...? (turns around to see her stomping down the hall) It's...it's HER!! (gives the old man next to him a great big hug!) IT'S POLLY!! She didn't GO! Old man: (scared) HELP! SECURITY! Polly: I can't believe I missed the PLANE! I'm never flying with that airline again! Guido: (grabs her arm gently) Polly? Polly: (turns around) GUIDO?! What are you doing here...? Guido: I should ask you the same question?!! You still going to LA? Polly: (upset) I don't want to talk about it...(suddenly interested)..why? Guido: Cause...I don't want you to go... Polly: (confused) What's the matter, why are you sweating like a fountain? Guido: (shaking) I'm just NERVOUS! I new I should have gone to the toilet first.. Polly:(giggles) What on earth to you have to be so nervous about....? Guido: (dazed by her smile)...your so pretty! Polly: WHAT?! Guido: (hits himself on the head) I MEAN...I mean I've got something important to tell you... and it's not going to be easy so I'm just gonna come right out and say it...okay? (holds her shoulders) Polly: (staring at him)...okay.. Guido: (gulp!) Polly...I think I'm in.. (But before Guido could finish..) Polly: Oh my gosh...GUIDO LOOK OUT!!!! Guido: (looks up) What THE!? *SMAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!* Polly: (worried) GUIDO!! Guido are you ALRIGHT!!?? SAY SOMETHING!!?? How many fingers am I holding up? Guido: (dumfounded) mmmmmmmmm.....17!?? N: Let me just explain what just happened. After all I'm the Narrator and that's what they pay me for...AHEM! The writers decided to make the show more interesting if in this anticipated scene where Guido is about to release his feelings to Polly, a giant missile would fly at Guido's head knocking him out of his senses!! Yes I know what your thinking where did the missile come from... well take a wild guess! You've watched this show long enough... Luciel: (Holding a tray) Hello sir! Would you like to try some of "Luciel's homemade cookies?" There free! Man: Sure! (turns pale) YUCK!! These are awful!! Positivley gross... Luciel: (tearful) But I baked them MYSELF!! It took me the whole WEEKEND!!!!......(the hatch on her head opens.......) KAAAAAAABBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! N: That's right! Luciel came to the airport to try out her new cookie recipie on the tourists! Which will no doubt send them back home again... Unfortunately, Polly had to rush Guido back to the Parlor to put some ice on his head. Francine: (suprised) POLLY!!! Your BACK?..Arne't you suppose to be..? Polly: In LA? Maybe, but first you have to help me wake Guido up.. Fran: (observing the lump on his head) Ouch! That's nasty! Why don't you sit him over here.. (points to a table) Guido: (delerious) Ma..is that YOU? Fran: I think he must have a concussion.... Polly: Or brain damage....(puts a wet towel on his head)..there we go.. (pause) Fran: (staring at Polly) So whats the story? Why did you leave us? Polly: (silent for a moment)... It was just something I had to do (looks away) Fran: You could of said something! Did you get sick of us? Polly: NO! I could never get tired of you guys. I love this job! And I love where I live..but Fran: But what then? Polly: There was another job opening in LA. My agent said I could have been paid alot more a year to star in this cop show! And the auditions were today. I would gone if... Fran: If..? Polly: (looks down at Guido) If, this drooling corpse didn't come down to the airport to stop me from catching the next plane, and make me realise how much I missed my friends.. N: (sobbing) *SNIFF* That was really touching.. WAHAHA! What a tear jerker..! Fran: (smiling) Well I'm glad you didn't go, it would be waaaaay too quiet around here! (both laugh at the thought) Fran: (off the subject) So what did Guido say when he got to the airport? Polly: He said he didn't want me to go, and then of course he didn't get to finish! It's funny, I didn't think he would notice if I had left...weird huh? Fran: Well aparently...(but before Francine could finish her sentance, Speedy bounded infront of them) Speedy: (over-joyed) POLLY!! You CAME BACK! (looking at Fran) She came BACK!! Fran: I know shes sitting infront of me, idiot... Speedy: (grinning, gives her a great big hug almost sending her of her seat) THAT'S JUST GREAT! Now you can come to my BABY SHOWER!! Polly: (confused) Come again? Fran: Let's just say Speedy bought himself a pregnancy test.. (Suddenly, Guido comes to his senses) Gudio: Wha..what? Polly, Fran: HE'S ALIVE! Guido: Where am I? What happened?? Fran: Don't you remember?! You went to the airport to stop Polly from leaving? Guido: (holding his head) I did? Polly: (hinting) You had something to tell me.. Guido: (puzzled) Really, what?! Polly: That's what I'de like to know... Guido: The last thing I remember, was that Miss America special on TV! And then the rest is.. blank.. Fran: Guido that was almost a week ago! You mean you can't you remember anything from this week at all? Guido: (struggling) No.... Polly: (concerened) Don't worry then! You'll strain yourself. Probably nothing really important anyway right? Guido: Yeah..probably not! Speedy: (interupting) SO! Who's gonna help me pick out some names! I'm pretty sure it's a BOY!! N: And so ends another Pizza Cat saga. Speedy eventually regained his manhood back the following days, Polly promises she's not going anywhere, and Guido could never jar his memory about that week. Maybe one day he'll remember when he least expects it, or maybe this romance sadley wasn't meant to be...I don't care, either way I get paid! THE END Send any comments or queries to leisha@curie.dialix.com.au